Friday, October 31, 2008
Heya people.It's 11:35 p.m atm.Time to recap on what i did today.Started my day with going to work as usual.Ended early tho.Asked for half-day as i thought i wanted to accompany her to do her hair,nails and stuff but to my dissapointment,she has already done those and wad's more,when i got off werk,she was sleeping.Sigh.Went to meet my siblings at Century Sq and walked around for abit den deciding to go home.Upon reaching home,called her and talked for some time den went off to abg dzul's wedding.The set-up was amazing.At about 8 p.m,the ceremony began.Quite boring for me as i have been tru the whole ritual thing.It was like "been there,done that".But after seeing abg dzul's smile and kak zila's smile just struck my heart to see how happy they were/Sigh.If only that was me and her.Was heartbreaking for me to stay on and see all those soo i took off alone without my sister knowing.Sigh.Just wadever did i do wrong in my past life to deserve this.Tomorrow i'll be going to work cause i need to collect my pay as abul said but i dun wanna werk tomorrow cause i cant.Even if i have to,i'll take half day again cause i need to attend my cousin's engagement.She said she is going to come but i wun hold my breath cause tonight she is out partying and will obviously be home drunk and wasted.Not even going to think of what she will be doing there.That's all i have to say for now.Until next time!
Missing my baby bushuk forever
Thursday, October 30, 2008
heya peeps.Nothing to do so i decided to blog even tho it's a boring day for me today.Went to werk today but decided to come in late so i sent her to bedok north for her exams.Reached werk and got the tiring task of being the packer for the second time.Finished at 5:45 and headed home.On my way home,started to think about things.About me and her.The more i think about it,the more i feel used.sigh.gonna end here.Until next time.
Missing my baby bushuk
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Heya ppl! Sorry for not updating for the weekend.Had stuffs to do.Well,time to recap on what happens.Let's start with saturday.Hmmm,trying to remember what i did on saturday.Oh yes,did nothing at home just listening to songs and met up with khairul and indra and we went to play counter-strike.I said i didnt know how to play and they say they are gonna teach me but ahem,i still got my touch :D .Indra said "Banyak kao peh tak tau main.Bagos sak kao." lol.literally trashed them to pieces :D .Den went home at about 6 a.m and got on the comp again but was lazy to update :P .On sunday,sigh.I finally managed to meet her.Conquering my fears to meet her and she turned up at my place.But sadly,she went off at about 11:45 to meet her frens even tho she was sick.I tried to convince her to either go home or stay at my place to rest but being the yani that i thought i once knew,she went ahead with her plans to meet her frens.After sending her off,i headed down to changi beach where khai,sidah,abul and lan was there fishing.I didn't bring my stuffs along cause i dun feel like fishing anymore when she is not with me.Sigh,it realli feels different in everything i do without her beside me.And i mean everything.Upon reaching there,they have onli managed to catch 1 catfish.Went to eat even tho i have no appetite but was forced by sidah.When eating,abul played the song "with you" by chris brown.Stopped eating immediately and my eyes swelled with tears.Sidah and khai scolded abul and quickly changed the song.After that,i have no mood to entertain them and just stared at the sea,picturing how wonderful it is to be here with her.So peaceful and serene.Can't take anymore and went into the tent for a rest in which i fell asleep.When i woke up,it was already bright.Asked khairul to accompany me to the toilet.Halfway when walking there,the pain struck again and left me seated at the ground.Beared with it while khai carried my to the toilet and asked me to go have a check-up.I simply told him,if i am to go,i will go no matter wad medicine's i am supposed to take.He started to nag and i just said to respect my decision and he kept quiet.Went back to the tent and went back to rest.Packed up our things at about 11:30 a.m and off we went home.Slept for like 3 hrs and den i woke up with nothing to do and no one to talk to.Decided to send my daughter to yishun.Upon reaching,The grandparents threw their faces when they saw me and i just walked off.Messaged with her while on the way home.A part of me wanted to see her again and she came over to my house.Can't help but stare at her and stroking her hair,things that i missed doing.Sigh.We fell asleep till like 4:30 a.m and she went home.I stayed up watching t.v and got ready for werk.After werk met up with her at vivo city and went home with her.These past 3 days has been a rollercoaster of my feelings.Sad and happy at the same time.Sad that we are onli friends but happy that i get to see her and spend some time with her.Wanted to take her along to my cousin's engagement on saturday and my sister's friend wedding on the same day.She said she'll give me the confirmation by friday.Really wished she can be there.There's still more for me to talk about but i dunno how to let it out and she wants me to hurry up and finish blogging cause she wants to read.So,until next time!
Missing my baby bushuk
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Heya people.Most boring day today.Did nothing much cept for on the comp and watch tv.Chatted with her on msn in the noon.Broke my heart to know that she is sick and how i wish that i can be there for her and take care of her cause tat's something i would do.A tear rolled down.She said she tried calling me in the morning but a chinese guy picked up the phone.I asked y did she call me and she said she is soo sick she doesn't know who else to call.Sigh,but wad can i do even if she managed to call me? i can't go over to her house after wad happened and my mum was home today and even if my mum wasn't home,she had already said she will not step foot in my house again.And she said she wished she can lie on my bed with me taking care of her.Went out for drinks and when i came back,my parents are going out to eat so i joined them.In the cab,my dad asked whether i'm still together with her.I just said i dunno.Went to eat at changi and came back home after.Got on the comp again listening to songs and doing nothing much.Going out tomorrow to a primary school's mate wedding at pasir ris.Will be at Primary School Reunion.Hope that will take my mind off things for abit.Happy to know that Fazila(godzilla is wad i used to call her and she would chase me around the school for that) is getting married.And Riz,glad that ur parents have accepted ur bf despite his age and having a daughter that is 12 yrs old.Realli happy for u.So it's 2 more yrs before u get married.Hope you are prepared aite?Nothing much to talk now and will be meeting khairul later on to slack.Until next time.
Missing my baby bushuk
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Selasih ku siram
Di dalam jambangan semakin longlai
Kaseh ku tanam kering layu terkulai
Apakah itu pertanda...
Apalah dosa
Khilaf bicara cetus bara sengketa
Seribu nista pasti cemari noda
Retak kaseh pun bermula
Rasa cinta berubah hilang kasih setia
Dilambung ombak yang menggila
Maraklah api di hati menjadi benci
Dendam yang menbara...
( 1 )
Apakah ini satu jalan penyelesaian
Atau suatu keputusan
Haruskah perpisahan jadi penentu
Jangan engkau terburu...
( korus )
Apa... kau rela
Robohkan istana syurga yang kita bena...
Apa... kau rela
Menghadapi derita perpisahan ini
Namun hakikat
Yang terjadi hanyalah kekhilafan
Sikap yang keterlaluan
Hilang pertimbangan
Terrible day today at werk,can't get my mind off some things.Made alot of mistakes and the Q.C was mad but Abul took the rap for me.Sigh,sorry abul.Not once but 3 times today he took the rap for the mistakes that i did.Wad's on my mind?Well,a good friend of mine dissapointed me by invading my personal life privacy.Not angry with him cause i know he ment well but wad he did was too much for me to take.It's like,yes,i do talk to people i'm close with about my problems but i dun want any of them to be involved in it and let me settle them on my own.And khai,u dissapointed me big time.Let's say u had a fight with ur father and u talked to me,how would u feel if i called up ur father and started scolding ur father?How would that make u feel?I'm not angry at u khai but u know i love her.So i thought of making her mad at me so she will not think about me and she will be happy so i can just be like the malay saying "tumpang gembira" even it hurts inside.But,i cant bring myself to do it.Went to it halfway and chickened out.I'm going out for drinks now.And i'm thinking of restricting my blog so that she can be totally happy with me out of her life.Since she believes soo much in fate,den all the more.If we are fated to meet then we will.I'm not a believer of fate/karma and all these nonsence.I went through soo much in life to know wad IS life.And in life,you dun let fate handle stuff.You werk hard for them.Example:If ur fated to do well in ur exams,I dare u to leave ur examinations questions blank and let fate do the job.Another example:If people are fated to get married,divorce will be an unknown word and u'll be married the moment you are born.Sounds stupid? Think of it properly.You will know wad i mean.Until next time.
Missing my baby bushuk
Friday, October 24, 2008
Hey people.Not in the mood to blog like yesterday so i'll just give a brief.Went to work and pulled it off with things on my mind.Wanted to do O.T but today's O.T was until 11 p.m so i decided not to.Got home and got on comp.Went out to meet her and settled things out even tho its not wad i wanted.Drank while talking and pain striking me but i tink i didnt show it to her but she will know once she reads this.Not gonna say wad i realli wanted and not gonna reveal it to anyone.It's just gonna be in me.Still hoping*sigh*.Gonna go back out to have more drinks alone and now i've decided not to get checked for my condition.Until next time.
Missing my baby bushuk
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Hey people.I'm not realli in the mood today to blog.Above are some random pics taken by khairul.I'll run a brief about the pics and wad happened today and yesterday.1st pic was taken at pasir ris park.Look at how happy i am with her.2nd pic was taken at the end of our school's camp.And she was the one who snapped the photo.3rd and 4th pic was taken at abg amy's house with me,khairul and endang rahayu.I may look happy but my eyes says everything.The pants and shirt was chosen by her as well.Yesterday,i came back from werk exhausted and tired and got on the comp.Then me and her talked on msn and facebook.She said she still have that little feeling for me and misses me and wanted to meet me.I wanted to meet her too but declined as i was afraid tears would come flowing down upon seeing her.I went out to ease my mind by drinking,again.Pain killing me but i completely ignored it with the words that she said running tru my mind.I didnt sleep and went straight to work in the morning.Can't concentrate on my job but i pulled it off and went home.Met up with khairul to slack until the person who i slapped yesterday night walked past us and he was calling someone to come down and walked away.Didn't feel right so we went home and here i am.The words still running tru my mind.i'll just end here.Until next time.
Menggigil tubuh ini
Melihat kau bersamanya
Tergamam aku tak terkata
Meraung di jiwa
Puas ku pertahankan
Cinta kita sejak dulu
Tapi sayang,Sikit pun tidak
Menghargai cintaku
( korus )
Sia-sia saja
Pengorbanan dan kesetiaanku ini
Ku sangka kau permata
Rupanya duri paling berbisa
Ku pasrah dan berdoa
Semoga tabah jiwaku
Oh... tetapi bagaimana
Nak ku lawan
Jiwa yang siksa
Ke mana arah hendak ku tuju
Bila hatiku rindu padamu
Hendakku cari tapi tak guna
Kau bahagia dengan si dia
Dikamar sepi aku termenung
Terbayang bayang kenangan kita
Tidak ku sangka kau
Tergamak pergi
Saat ku masih perlukan mu
( ulang korus )
Ah...ah...ah...
Ah...ah...ah...
Meraung di jiwa
Apalah daya kiranya
Orang dah benci
Ah...ah...ah...
Ah...ah...ah...
Meraung di jiwa
Tapi tak pernah ku benci
Dirimu sayang
Missing my baby bushuk
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Hey guys! sorry for not updating yesterday.I need the sleep as i started werk today.Got a job at tannery lane as production operator.And guess wad,i started to get rid of my tattoos.Starting with the one on my wrist.While werking,me and abul talked about wad we are going to do in life.I just said i dunno.For him,he already has plans.And of course,with him,we will always talk about gangsters.He already left Stormerz.And there's 1 gang that he wanna join since he was 18 but nvr really thought of the possibilities.To my surprise,it's the same gang that i decided i would join after leaving Siow.He asked"kalau aku ikot,kao ikot tak bam?" i just said i'll think about it.And i honestly told him that in my life,I onli have the jiwe to join 2 gang's.1 of them i have already been in b4 and the remaining 1 that we both have the same interests in.And abul,i want you to know that i will realli think about it.Bila-bila agemo!We had to werk overtime today till 9 and so after finish werking,we decided to slack at north park for awhile.Then abul decided to alight at afghan and walk to north park.Whiile walking,as u guys might have expected,memories came flashing back.Holded back my tears and walked along.Bumped into baby semangke under yani's void deck.He is slacking there with wak kang and another guy that i dunno who.Chatted for awhile and them proceeded to north park.Lepak at pondok den we got bored and decided to go buai-buai ninja to look for members.At the steps,a group of boys were sitting there and refused to give way to us to walk.We just ignored them not wanting to start a fight and forced our way through.As we were walking they shouted "oi!".We ignored and moved again.And again they shouted.Instincttively,both of us turned aroud and approached them.Abul asked who was the one that shouted and a guy raised his hand.Went up to him and slapped him.I was like "wtf?"."not a good timing boy,i'm already feeling down because of the memories and ur doing this kinda shit? ur asking for it" He was stunned and was quiet for awhile.I was about to pounce on him when abul pulled me away saying "sudah bam,masih budak lagi". I just shouted "tempat kau dudok nie budak north park yg pegang.Kalau kao nak tahu aku sape,kao gi tanye budak2 yang dudok sini bam sape.Jgn sampai aku bikin kao mati".He looked down and both of us walked off.Reached buai-buai ninja and saw no one was there so we talked abit.We planned on wad we are going to do with our 1st pay.The 1st thing that came on my mind was the promise i made to her to get a motorcycle licence and she would be the 1st pillan.But the 1st pillan thing aint gonna happen so i'm just gonna get that licence whereas the rest i'll be saving incase i decided to get warded for my condition.After like 30 mins,i was feeling tired and went home.Got on msn to do some stuff on facebook(like i always do to kill time) and chatted with ernie on msn.Then she pmed me on msn.Not gonna go into the details as it hurts while i'm blogging atm.Now i can't sleep and i have to get ready at 6 in the morning and it's already almost 2 a.m.Oh well,That's just me.Until next time!
Missing my baby bushuk
Monday, October 20, 2008
Heya people! Today have been the most boring day for me.Woke up at 1 p.m and cant decide on what to do so i went out to Tampines Mall wandering alone.I somehow got my nose pierced :P .Got it pierced at Yellow in Century Sq.Was the shop that me and her decided if she ever wanted to get her nose pieced,that would be the shop and i would be beside her piercing too.Got my nose pierced 4 times already ahaha.It's no biggie for me :D .Arrived home at about 4 p.m and got on the net watching videos on youtube.Then at 7 p.m,watched Mr and Mrs smith on tv.After watching,went out to meet abul and slacked around till like 1 a.m den came home and got on the net again.Got bored and watched some movies like meet the parents,alot like love and the notebook.So here i am now just wasting my time and life away -.- .Until next time!
Missing my baby bushuk as always
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Hey guys! I'm back from ktv.Very very high atm.I thought i could have fun there and forget about her but i thought wrong.Well i was having fun drinking that's for sure and my word,the hostess there can realli drink! Hats off to you girls.Anyways when i reached there,i was ushered in by abg amy and the 1st hostess he called in had a resemblence like her.I asked to change and abg amy did.In came nina.Ang kong siow!!! Ahahaha.We were having fun drinking and singing then nina sang the song Ringgit berjuta.I was dumbfounded.It was her favourite song.Composed myself and started drinking like hell.Pain striking my abdominal area and other parts but i ignored it and kept on drinking.I was on the verge of crying from the pain but kept on drinking.It's the only way for me.I think i have become addicted to it.This nina wanted to give me her cell number but i declined.After we left the ktv,abg amy scolded me and asked to get her out of my head.I can't abg amy.Not that i'm not trying,but i really can't.Hailed a cab and went home.The pain is realli unbearable now.And haikal,the thing we talked about earlier b4 i went to ktv,keep it to urself.The guys can know about my condition but dun let her know about it ok?If i am to get warded,i'll let qayyum or hasib know about it k? Anyways,i'm gonna go to bed now.Until next time!
Missing my baby bushuk
Saturday, October 18, 2008
And don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
But now it's time to goCurtain's finally closing
That was quite a show...
Very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow
Ohh...
And the award for, the best liar goes to you
For making me believe that you could be
Faithful to me
Let's hear your speech ohh
Hey guys! I'm feeling abit better today and will be going out later today.Recap on wad happened the past days.Went out yesterday at about 3 to C.G.H to see my uncle who is involved in an accident.Went alone as my parents and siblings have already went in the morning.When i arrived there,all of my aunts and uncles are there.My poor uncle.Got stiches all over his face and liver is damaged,and cheekbone fractured(ouch!).Now he needs a liver donor.While my aunt and uncles were discussing about who to donate part of the liver,they looked at me.I replied i cant cause my liver is affected and if it's not i would not hesitate to donate it.Then they said,precisely,u need to get warded and see wad the doctor say about my condition.Seeing my uncle in pain on the bed.Heck no! If i am to die,i'd rather die than go through that shit.Afew minutes later,my cousin(my uncle's son who has been in and out of prison) arrived.He decided to donate his liver.He's a changed person now.No more going to clubs,no more drinking,no more gangsters.He is tired of that shit.He came wearing bermudas,T-shirt and specs.Realli decent looking.Not realli the kind of guy you would expect to go in and out of prisons for gang fights and riots.Me and him talked for abit and asked y did i drink soo much.I juz kept quiet as i did not want him to know the real reason.Mind you,my cousin has a huge reputation and i dun want him to know i'm torturing myself over a girl.Then one of my aunties asked,Where's your girlfriend? WOW? Great timing -.- .. I just said we broke off.Followed by an awkward silence.I broke the silence by saying i have to go as i'm meeting abg amy for a game of soccer at farrer park.Took off and went to bugis.Reached there but abg amy was late so i walked around.Should not have done that as when i walked around,memories of her and me came rushing back.Tears rolled down my cheeks.Wiped it off and continued walking around waiting for abg amy.When he arrived,we headed on to farrer park to play soccer with the likes of sani hussein,roslan and other artists.Man do they play rough.Towards the end of the match,the sharp prickling pain came.Went to the sidelines to wait it off but it nvr seem to go away.Had enouf of it so i took off my boots and started packing.Few minutes later,the game ended and abg amy came and packed too.We head off to bugis and walked around.Again tears rolled down my cheeks.Abg amy saw the tears and said,"kimak! kao ngan dia mcm mane2 kao pegi,ape2 kao buat semua ngan dia kape?!" i just nodded.Abg amy then said,"ok,nyari kao nangis,besok aku kasi kau lupe semua" I was like "?" besok malam,kol 11 jumpe pat umah abg amy.Pakai kasut and sachok2.In my mind,i thought he was gonna take to to club then i rethink that.Abg amy is not the clubbing type.Then a though hit me."Honeytrap kape?" abg amy smiled. Wohoo!!! I'm going to drink my heart out! Chivas and vodka on the house baby!!! Now its 2:30 p.m and i'm getting ready to go to the hospital to visit my uncle again after which i'll meet abg amy.I'll update more when i reach home.Until next time!
Missing my baby bushuk
Friday, October 17, 2008
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Some important memories from the pictures above.There's more but i have no energy and i can barely walk.Just mustered the strenght to get to the comp.This might be my last post after today.Too much shit happened to me.To the "o" lvl people of mercu private school,i wish u guys the best in your exams and i know monday will be your science paper.Just let me know if u need any help with chemistry as that is my strongest point.I can help with maths as long as it's not graphs as i suck at that.Give me a call and we'll arrange something if u ever need my help.Might be at my house cause cause i can barely walk,but if i'm better,we can study elsewhere.Dpending on the situation.Good luck u guys.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Hey guys! It's 8 a.m right now and i juz got home.Feeling tired like hell.I went out today at about 7 p.m to meet up with khairul and went over to abg amy's house to slack and hang out with him and his lil sis,Endang(The star in the malay show BARA).Had a few laughs and den got tired of slacking at home so we went down to Al-Kadir.Met with an old friend of mine who used to work as a driver while i'm the assistant.He's the 1 that taught me how to drive! lol.Chit chatted for awhile and he has to go off.At about 11,Endang has to go off and meet her bf who's picking her up in his new car.So it's me,abg amy and khairul tat's left.We got bored and suddenly,khairul said lets go fishing.No hesitations were made and we went home to grab our fishing equipments.While packing the stuffs,i saw the fishing rod that i had bought for yani ;'-( . Tears rolled down my cheeks.Took a moment and then continued to pack my stuffs.Abg amy asked his friend to come along so its 4 of us.We agreed to meet under my block and we headed to the 24hr shop to buy snacks and stuffs.I had like 70 bucks left from the 700 i saved but used 40 to buy myself like 11 cans of heineken cause i know i will need them(Man,600 bucks gone on drinks?!?! My liver gonna fail anytime soon i swear).After buying all the stuffs,took a cab to changi staging ground.Set up our rods and started fishing.Within afew minutes,there was action all over the place.But,it realli feels different without her by my side,hearing those laughters,her nagging at me to help her and the most important,stroking her hair and kissing her forehead whenever she lies on me to rest.Thinking about that,i started drinking and drinking.Abg amy saw the look on my face and talked to me while khairul and abg amy's fren moved to a different location.The 1st thing he asked me,"kao betol-betol masih sayangkan yani eh?" I broke down immediately.Den he asked me,"Ape kao nak buat skarang?" i just said that i wanna make things right and clear my name and by getting the proof that we went to the hotel will be my last jigsaw puzzle.He then said,getting the proof is easy,but he asked whether am i sure that i wanna go with that cause all he needed to do was make 2 phonecalls and he can get me the video.Then i said yes.Next thing he said left me puzzled at 1st."kalau kao sayang kan dia,kao nak dia happy kan?" i nodded."Kalau kao kasi video tu pat lelaki tu,confirm dorang akan gaduh.Kau nak tengok pompan yang kao sayang merane?Kao sanggup?" I was stumped.He is right.I didnt think of that before.I was soo blinded by the fact that i wanna make things right that i didnt realise it will make her suffer."Aku bukan cakap yang ape kao buat ni salah,actually,ape kao buat nie betol.Tapi kalau kao sayang kan dia,pikir betol-betol." He is soo god damn right.I was feeling out of place but continued drinking.On my second last can,the piercing pain shot through my stomach and went on to my liver.Fuck it hurts like hell.After that pain,i can't walk properly and had to stumble around.Beared with the pain even tho it was agonising.By 7 a.m the pain was too much and khairul noticed.They stopped fishing,packed everything and called a cab and send me home so here i am,still in pain.Trying my best not to show it to my parents atm.Don't want them to be heart broken by me and would rather die then seeing them hurt.I am feeling scared now because usually the pain is on my stomach but now,it's starting to hurt my liver as well.Oh well,the world will be a better place with 1 less person like me on it.And yani,i would like to take this chance to apologise to you before anything happens to me.I want u to know that i realli love u and cant stop thinking of you.I want you to be happy from now onwards and i know by leaving me alone will make u happy so there's no need for you to tag back.Just know that when all is lost,there is someone out there besides your family that realli loves you.Be happy.Until next time if there is. Au revoir
Bam hearts yani foreverMissing baby bushuk
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Hey hey hey.It's 7 a.m and i just got home! lol.Wad did i do today.Hmmmm,nothing much actually.Woke up at about 2 p.m and got on the comp.Just chatted on msn with riz,ezul,boy,didi and some other peeps.At eleven p.m,khairul called and we met to slack around.Agreed to meet at 12:30 a.m and we did under her block,our usual meeting place.We then proceeded to meet abg amy and slacked at Al-Kadir and decided to chill at abg amy's place.Watched wujud 1 and boy it was god dang scary.After the show,we started talking about our past love and such.Den at about 3:30 a.m,abg amy's fiancee came over to chill with us.We then continued talking about "love".Shared my story with her and 1st thing she said,"Walaupun aku perempuan,malu sak aku nak mengaku diri aku pompan kalau ni mcm nye pompan wujud".Forget it Sof,girls will be girls.But of course,i got nagged at her cause i didnt show love cause that's like a need for all girls.*sigh* i agree.Tried to make it up to her but too bad.We chilled till 6:30 am and i headed off home and here i am.Gonne sleep now tho,my eyes can barely open.Until next time!
Missing my baby bushuk always
Monday, October 13, 2008
Hey hey hey.It's 3:51 a.m and i just got home.Man i'm tired.Time to recap on what i did today.Woke up at about 12 p.m and juz lazed around in bed.Got really bored after 2 hours and decided to go out.Took a shower,suited off and out i go,alone.Had no idea on where to go and what to do but somehow i ended up in somerset -.- .Took a stroll and juz being alone was my intention at that point of time.Smiled to myself of the memories tat flashed back.Looking at couples and smiled to myself.Crazy? I think i am.Kept on walking and walking and ended up at Plaza Sing.Again memories flashed back and i smiled to myself again.Starting to get dark and i thought i'll make my way home.Just as i boarded the train,my phone rang.It was abg amy.We met up at his place and chilled.Called hasib and Khairul and chilled at Al-Kadir.Talked about abg amy's ghost hunting experience in wujud 1 and wujud 2.Hasib got scared the shit out of him.lol.And this sunday,abg amy is going to pulau pinang and other places in jakarta to "Rekki" the place before putting the contestants there.He asked me to join along.I might.Even tho i'm not keen on hunting for these things,i'll go and take this opportunity to experience new things.Might be rewarding and also,might be the end of me *gulps*.Abg amy warned me,in Indonesia,there will be new ghost.Kakak and bungkus will be in abundance there but they are hunting for 2 special ghost that will not be in singapore.Kuntilanak and Gondorowo.After talking about all those things,we decided to talk about something else.We talked about studies and wad we are going to do next year.That's when i got quiet.I mean i do know what i wanna do next year,it's just that i dunno if i can achieve it.Hasib,Khairul and abg amy encouraged me.Chilled till 3:30 a.m and took a cab home.That's wad i did today.Not a minute went by without me thinking of her.Until next time! Adios.
Missing my baby bushuk
Saturday, October 11, 2008
I'm staring at the glass in front of me,Is it half empty or i've ruined all you've given me?I know i've been selfish,I know i've been foolish,But look through that and you will see.I'll do better,I know,Baby,I can do better.If you leave me tonight,I'll wake up alone,Don't tell me i can make it on my own,Don't leave me tonight,This heart of stone will sing till it diesIf you leave me tonight.Sometimes i stare at you while you are sleeping,I listen to your breathing,Amazed how i somehow managed to,Sweep you off of your feet girl,Your perfect little feet girl,I took for granted what you do.But i'll do better,I know,Baby,I can do better.If you leave me tonight,I'll wake up alone,Don't tell me i will make it on my own.Don't leave me tonight,This heart of stone will sing till it dies,If you leave me tonight.And don't you know my heart is pumpin',oh,Its putting up the fight,And i've got this feeling,And don't you see,I'm not the only one for you,But your the only one for me.If you leave me tonight,I'll wake up alone,(Stay) If you leave me tonight, (Close) I'll wake up alone, (Don't) don't tell me I will (Go) make it on my own, (Stay) don't leave me tonight, (Close) this heart of stone(Don't) will sing till it dies (Go) if you leave me tonight. Don't leave me tonight.Very meaningful song eh? ahaha.I just love it.Anyways,I went out today raye with my sister and some of her famous friends.Such as the singer Tengku Adil and the most famous 1 of all......FAUZY LAILY!!!! Hahahaha...Been a long time since i went out with them.Like 3 Years perhaps? And my favourite,Abg Amy.Went from house to house and juz chatted away with abg amy like nobody's business.Me and abg amy ended early as we went to cgh to meet his mum who was hospitalised for an operation.After meeting them,we went to eastpoint to walk around.Just me and him.And again,memories of me and her flashed back.*sigh* It's like everywhere i go,everything i do gives me memories.I'm gonna have a hard time i know.Me and abg amy have nvr talked about gangsters but just now,we did.Abg amy has retired from singapore gangsters and moved on to join a gang in Malaysia.I also told him that i have retired but not planning to join 1 anytime soon.It's 11:40 p.m now and i'll have to go get ready and meet abg amy at pasir ris.Probably for drinks.Pictures with me and the famous Fauzy will be uploaded soon yeah?
Missing my baby bushuk
Hey hey hey.Its 12:26 p.m now and i juz woke up.So wasted no time and rushed to the computer to blog about yesterday's raya outing with the "o" lvl class.I started my day yesterday by going online to surf the net and juz listening to songs.Den ryhana came online and started chatting with her.Been awhile since i last saw ryhana online cause she was in the hospital a few days back.We started talking about the exams and such and how the other classmates are doing.For a moment there,i had actually forgotten about her until ryhana asked me,"Ayie,why did u do that to yani?" and i was like "?", "do what?".She den say about me ignoring yani and not trying to make things work and hurt her.So i said,ur juz gonna condemn me juz by listening to her and not listening to my side of the story?Unfair? So i said to her, go read my blog and u will know a part of my story.She did.And in a few minutes,she said,"Okay,i'm confused". Hahaha,we are all confused ryhana.Not onli you but the whole of yani's friends circle in her class.Even Didi and Shikin is confused.lol.Well,after chatting with her,i got ready to go and meet the peeps at Mercu as they had a raya celebration.Ok,who was there yesterday.Alot! lol.There was hasib,amal,haikal,faiz,syahiran,ezul,qayyum,fauzi,fauzi's gf,ain,didi,shikin and of course me.On my way there,i was feeling kinda exited but upon reaching mercu,memories of me and her flashed back,boy did that juz spoil my day.I juz kept trying to ignore them.The guys came down and off we go. 1st house was faiz house at bedok reservoir.while waiting for the bus,the guys were lauging and i ws the onli 1 keeping quite,try as i might to forget the times when me and her used to wait for our bus together here but i cant. Ain saw that i was quiet and pulled me 1 side and talked to me. The very 1st thing she said was "kenangan?",i juz nodded.She then started asking me wad happened as she already knows yani's side of the story and said that i was in the wrong of neglecting her and not showing enough love,same problems with her and haikal.Some girls needed that like her and yani but she also wants to know if there is some other problems that leads to the break up as she thinks that breaking up juz because of that is a very stupid reason.That's when didi qayyum and amal came in.I simply said,she has another guy.Ain didnt believe me then amal told his story of him hearing yani talk on the phone in class with her friend tat she got to know another guy tat likes her.Amal juz kept quite at 1st as he didnt want to break us up.Ain got suspicious.After i told her my story,she said,Just let it go.Its hard as we were together for almost 9 months and wads more,today is our date.Bus came and we boarded.Ain talked to me again.I said i am going to move on with my life and girls will always be girls.I just need time.Ain cant accept that she bad-mouthed me telling her parents and brothers that i was violent with her.Who can? even the guys cant accept that.so taufiq,hold on.I'm gonna get that proof that we went to the hotel and prove to you that i'm not lyieng.Reached faiz house at about 6:30 and left at about 7:10.We then proceeded to amal's house and after amal's house,we went to Mr Hamdan's house where the other teachers are there.The other "o" lvl class was there too.Syaz asked me where yani is and i told her we broke off.She asked,"pasal ade jantan lain?" i nodded.She said she also heard stories of yani from her friends.That killed me.Even people that doesnt know her knows about her past.After mr Hamdan's house some of us slacked till 12 a.m and went home after.Have some pictures taken by qayyum.Will be uploaded after aite?Missing Baby Bushuk
Friday, October 10, 2008
Tired and hurt.Tats wad i'm feeling rite now.Maybe its those nights that i have been unable to sleep and crying the whole time and ended up going to the hospital.But that's all behind me.Just sad that she has been bad-mouthing about me to her classmates and family members saying that i have always been violent towards her.How do i know this? Simple,her classmates told me and asked if its true as they have nvr seen us fighting and they know i'm not the kind of guy that touches a girl.I simply told them the truth and provided evidence that i have not laid a finger on her to hurt her.And they asked me,"Wad about the throwing chair incident?" called up qayyum and qayyum told them the truth.I didnt threw the chair at her.Qayyum is also her classmate he was also present when the incident happened in case u guys are wondering.After hearing from both sides,hasib,amal,haikal,ezul and the rest that was there yesterday are able to know who is right and who is wrong.And hasib confirmed it even more when he called his friend Dan to come down yesterday and hear his stories about her and i told hasib the stories i was told by my friends about her.Thinking about the past,i started to question myself.Did i do the right thing to give her another chance when she kissed the French guy behind my back? I think i didnt as love is soo strong,i thought it will overcome all.I guess i was blinded by love.I thought that she was different,but in the end it just proves my theories.All girls are the same.*SIGH*Wad a fool i have been.Gave her all my trust,time and respect and she spits it at me.I have never contacted other girls and have always been faithful to her.Guess this is life.Cruel.A big word i know but that's how life is.Yes,i agree.Money does makes the world go round.But can u be happy?No,it can't buy anyone's happiness.I agreed i have not showered u with money and all the nice things in life.It's because i dun think it's important.But i managed however to save up close to $700 to shower her with the nice things in life which i was planning to do so on our 10th month anniversary,but that's not gonna happen.So i put the money to good use.Gave hasib $130 for the phone and the rest? Well,bought myself drinks.To think i sacrificed my own pocket money and not eating during school time just to give it to her as her family is facing financial crisis at that point of time.It was not easy as my family is also facing financial problems."Why did i do those things?" I questioned myself.All that came up was"LOVE".All this time i have been fooled.I won't deny the fact that i still love her,missed the times we spent together.Too much time infact as now i won't be able to see my daughter cause i was always not at home and was always out with her and my parent's decided not to take my daughter home anymore.Sacrificed my daughter just to be with her and this is what i get in return. I'm gonna stop about these things and start blogging.
Okay,went out at about 12p.m yesterday and met up with hasib,amal,ezul,syahiran and haikal at kembangan to play Dota.Reached at about 12:30p.m and started playing.Was hard to get comfortable as she has always been by my side and seeing the seat next to me is empty was heartbreaking.I tried not to show it to them and carried on playing.Was hard at first as it was a long time playing but got better as the game progressed.Haikal and syahiran has improved tremendously! They are getting very very good at it.Hasib,haikal and syahiran left early as they had a class to attend to but will be comming back.Me,amal and ezul carried on playing while waiting for them.They arrived abit later than expected and we started playing again.After playing the game,we went outside to a coffeeshop had a drink and left for tampines as Hasib and haikal wanted to study.I tagged along and called Khairul to meet up with us.Seeing them study reminded me of the things that me and her used to do.Study at the void deck.Tried to hide it but it became all too obvious and that's when Hasib talked to me about the situation.We talked and talked till it was way past hasib's time to go off and now he misses his bus.He called his friend Dan to come down and fetch him and when Dan reached,stories of her unfolds.Dan and hasib wanted to tell me about yani's history when they found out me and her were together in january and didnt as they were scared i would take it the wrong way.Now,i'm facing the consequences.Went off at about 2a.m and reached home at about 3 a.m.Had a good day but feelings spoiled most of it.
Missing my baby bushuk