Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Hey guys! It's 8 a.m right now and i juz got home.Feeling tired like hell.I went out today at about 7 p.m to meet up with khairul and went over to abg amy's house to slack and hang out with him and his lil sis,Endang(The star in the malay show BARA).Had a few laughs and den got tired of slacking at home so we went down to Al-Kadir.Met with an old friend of mine who used to work as a driver while i'm the assistant.He's the 1 that taught me how to drive! lol.Chit chatted for awhile and he has to go off.At about 11,Endang has to go off and meet her bf who's picking her up in his new car.So it's me,abg amy and khairul tat's left.We got bored and suddenly,khairul said lets go fishing.No hesitations were made and we went home to grab our fishing equipments.While packing the stuffs,i saw the fishing rod that i had bought for yani ;'-( . Tears rolled down my cheeks.Took a moment and then continued to pack my stuffs.Abg amy asked his friend to come along so its 4 of us.We agreed to meet under my block and we headed to the 24hr shop to buy snacks and stuffs.I had like 70 bucks left from the 700 i saved but used 40 to buy myself like 11 cans of heineken cause i know i will need them(Man,600 bucks gone on drinks?!?! My liver gonna fail anytime soon i swear).After buying all the stuffs,took a cab to changi staging ground.Set up our rods and started fishing.Within afew minutes,there was action all over the place.But,it realli feels different without her by my side,hearing those laughters,her nagging at me to help her and the most important,stroking her hair and kissing her forehead whenever she lies on me to rest.Thinking about that,i started drinking and drinking.Abg amy saw the look on my face and talked to me while khairul and abg amy's fren moved to a different location.The 1st thing he asked me,"kao betol-betol masih sayangkan yani eh?" I broke down immediately.Den he asked me,"Ape kao nak buat skarang?" i just said that i wanna make things right and clear my name and by getting the proof that we went to the hotel will be my last jigsaw puzzle.He then said,getting the proof is easy,but he asked whether am i sure that i wanna go with that cause all he needed to do was make 2 phonecalls and he can get me the video.Then i said yes.Next thing he said left me puzzled at 1st."kalau kao sayang kan dia,kao nak dia happy kan?" i nodded."Kalau kao kasi video tu pat lelaki tu,confirm dorang akan gaduh.Kau nak tengok pompan yang kao sayang merane?Kao sanggup?" I was stumped.He is right.I didnt think of that before.I was soo blinded by the fact that i wanna make things right that i didnt realise it will make her suffer."Aku bukan cakap yang ape kao buat ni salah,actually,ape kao buat nie betol.Tapi kalau kao sayang kan dia,pikir betol-betol." He is soo god damn right.I was feeling out of place but continued drinking.On my second last can,the piercing pain shot through my stomach and went on to my liver.Fuck it hurts like hell.After that pain,i can't walk properly and had to stumble around.Beared with the pain even tho it was agonising.By 7 a.m the pain was too much and khairul noticed.They stopped fishing,packed everything and called a cab and send me home so here i am,still in pain.Trying my best not to show it to my parents atm.Don't want them to be heart broken by me and would rather die then seeing them hurt.I am feeling scared now because usually the pain is on my stomach but now,it's starting to hurt my liver as well.Oh well,the world will be a better place with 1 less person like me on it.And yani,i would like to take this chance to apologise to you before anything happens to me.I want u to know that i realli love u and cant stop thinking of you.I want you to be happy from now onwards and i know by leaving me alone will make u happy so there's no need for you to tag back.Just know that when all is lost,there is someone out there besides your family that realli loves you.Be happy.Until next time if there is. Au revoir
Bam hearts yani foreverMissing baby bushuk
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