Girls are just like ciggarettes,they are just to kill time

2010-06-27T10:31:00.004+08:00

Words can't describe what i am feeling for the past few days.Neglected? Rejected? Ignored? Despised? I don't know.Why is it that whenever i found something that i could depend and look up upon to change my life for the better,it practically left and dissapear? People say that 3rd's time a charm but this is my 3rd time and it ain't a charm for me.Maybe the saying about good guys finish last is actually true.This literally made me think back and realise that people who play dirty actually do get what they want.Maybe i just don't have the heart for it. Why can't she just tell me straight up cause that's how she is and that's how i know she is? Maybe she is true to wad she said? Like actually being busy with work for 1 whole week that she didn't even have time to send me a text but she actually has time to update her facebook? You know what? I've actually been a bloody moron to actually be waiting for you.

There's more i need to say,but i don't have the mood for it right now.

Finally i felt like blogging since i have nothing to do at home!

2010-02-17T10:02:00.000+08:00

12th April will be the start of my new school.Hopefully i will be in the same class as omar but even if i'm not,i'll just appeal.Hahahaha.Brothers are ment to be together.Me and omar got in the same school with the same course which is Higher Nitec in Mechanical Engineering at I.T.E Tamp Campus.There's 1 thing that urkes me tho.I'm gonna be wearing a school uniform!!! WTF?? At the age of 23,and wearing uniform.Gonna be really stupid Hahaha! Anyways,time to reveal my real life on what's happening.Basically did not go to alot of party's as my SKS bro's are not really the partying type.They are more of the "chill by the pub" type.As they are old(i'm not old),they wanna tone down on the party life and settle down and make KA-CHING! As for me,I have just been working and slacking everyday.Basically no life.I can't wait for school to start but first,i gotta pay the school fee's and ect all by myself.I have less than 1 month to raise about 280 bucks.I hope i can do that cause i dun wanna trouble my parents and my siblings.They have their own problems to think about.That's all i am writing for today as time consraints me from typing more.Lol.Until next time!

2009-12-06T07:29:00.002+08:00

Hey there.It's been awhile since i last let out my feeling online eh? Haha.Well,my aunt just passed away bout 6 hrs ago.The strange thing is,I know that my aunt is sick and suffering from cancer.But yesterday,i had a dream about this very aunt calling my house and I was the one that picked up the phone and talked to her.She said that she wwas going to visit us which to me seems strange as she has never wanted to visit my family as she hates cause i am the so called "Rotten Egg" in the family.Next thing i knew,she passed away.Very strange eh? Anyways,i got to go now to melawat.Adios!

2009-11-30T04:50:00.003+08:00

Well,those were some of the pics taken on omar's sister's wedding.There are some more pictures but i have to get them from sida.I got to go now as i am rushing for time.Adios!

2009-11-12T16:09:00.002+08:00

Finally! Exam's are over and now i can do my own things without the old people at home nagging at me to study.I hope i can pass at least 4 out of the 5 papers that i took.The last paper which is the science M.C.Q is soo freakin easy.It only took me like 20 mins to finish and i slept after that.Hahahaha.As for tomorrow,i'll be starting work at downtown east d'marquee.At least i got something to do while awaiting for my results rite?Yesterday,after our paper,we headed down to Grandlink Square to kinda celebrate raden's birthday and karaoke.Watch those vids on Facebook courtesy of syaz orite? Peace out!

2009-11-07T20:19:00.002+08:00

Wohoo! "O" lvls are almost done and over with! I have no confidence in my combined humanities but i think i should be able to pass the other papers with at least a c6,even tho that is not wad i am aiming for.And i guess after the exams are done with,i'll be surrendering.Well,after Zouk-Out that is.Haha.Life's a bitch with a warrant of arrest on ur ass and to make matters worse,stupid I.O Walid and other I.O"s at bedok hq are looking for me as they know i am involved in all the cases at pasir ris park.I wonder who the hell ratted me out eh? Argh! I'm missing a certain 26 yr old right now.How i wish i could go to marsiling right now and smack 1 on her.Neways,going out in afew so i'll just end this short post.Adios!

2009-10-12T05:33:00.002+08:00

Update,update,update.Hmmmmm,wad can i say? Life's a bitch.School's been a bitch too no thanks to past year's o lvl students that failed.So this year,some selected students which includes me,are made to come to school everyday till our o lvls is over while the unselected ones finish their school by the end of this week.As for my prelims,i didn't turn up for my english papers,did terribly for my maths and science,didn't turn up for my malay papers and as for combined humanities,slept through them.Sometimes i dun see why are all the teachers putting soo much hope on me.The selected students that are made to come back are those who passed their prelims whereas i'm the only one who failed.Pep talk by mr hamdan,mr ahmad and kak zai still gave no meaning in life for me.Today,woke up at 4 p.m with no plans wadsoever so i lazed ard in bed till 6 when sida asked me to hang out so i did.went home at bout 11 and watched tv till late.Watched forgetting sarah marshall.A quote from the movie "You were too stupid to realize".Somehow,that particular line outstood the rest.Got me thinking.In all my relationships,maybe i am always the one at fault.In my defence,i would like to know what and where i went wrong and it always seem too late.Fuck life.Today,omar is gonna be sleeping over at my place since we finish school today at 9:30 p.m.This year's zouk-out is gonna be a blast i hope.I did had fun at last year's zouk-out but i didn't have 100% fun as "u know,i know".Bought this year's zouk-out tickets at 35 bucks.I just hope that i manage to prevent getting screened as i have a warrant of arrest on me."O" lvl's are just 2 weeks away and i still have not touched a book and don't plan on either.Life's already a bitch,might as well enjoy it right?Staying awake till late at night made me wish that i was sleeping but memories still haunts me.Been over a year and still can't get over it. Peace out ya'll.

2009-09-25T05:17:00.000+08:00

Raye has been a bore to me.And to add salt to the misery,my 22nd birthday is comming in exactly 4 more days.Boy am i getting old.How i wish that i can stay 21 for the rest of my life.Someone let me have a drink from the fountain of youth please?But at least my daughter is with me today till next week.That's something for me to smile about ey?Been bloody stressed with the fact that the comp is still not fixed for like already 6 months.So i got my lazy ass to work and got it fixed.Formatted everything and even got a new dvd drive for the comp.All that is left is to get a new monitor.I've done my part so i think it's time for my other siblings to get the monitor ey?8th oct will be my final court date and i think that there will be no more extensions for my fine which i will not be paying.Went out slacking earlier with my bro ahbul and saw lots of couples going out together.Part of me wants that but part of me wanted no part in that due to the fact that i am scared of being heartbroken again.Damn,"o" lvls are just round the corner and i have quitted school.Where the hell am i going to study?And looking for a job now is tough.What am i going to do with my life? Maybe i need a financial planner and need some advice on my life's direction.

2009-08-31T03:44:00.001+08:00

Just wishing her a happy 19th birthday and khai's soon to be 18th birthday.Not in the mood to blog more.Peace out ya'll.

2009-08-26T11:04:00.002+08:00

Just doing a short post as i am at khai's house slacking away.Started fishing again with khai a few days ago.Was hard to erase the memories but then it got better.Went cast netting yesterday at Pasir Ris park with Khai and even tho we didnt catch alot of fish,i kinda had fun.Was nice to get time out since i finished my supply of panas and waiting for my supply of ikan.Might go cast netting again today but not decided yet as khai had to go reporting soon.This sunday,gonna go to sembawang and get my supply and head to geylang with my bro's.Having my English "o" lvls oral this sunday eek! School is fine just lazy to go to school.Nothing else to update atm.Adios amigos.

2009-07-30T05:27:00.004+08:00

Man it's been a long time since i last touched a comp to update."O" lvls has begun and man,i feel like i don't even give a damn about it.Happily slacking my ass till late at night every single day and going to school to sleep.It's 5:30 am atm and i juz reached home about 30 mins ago so yea,go figure.Soo many things happening but i can't be bothered to express everything.All i can think about is....Wanna Shake???? Gotta love the bro's of kampong sisilaq! love u guys!!

2009-06-22T19:05:00.004+08:00

Girls are just like ciggarettes,they are just to kill time.Nice quote from my bro Khai.Thinking back,that's exactly how i've been treating girls(other than schoolmates).Sometimes,i pity them and felt sorry for treating them like that.But most of the times,they deserve to be treated like that and why u might ask? No reason,just that girls don't deserve my respect.On my relative's chalet,did some thinking on what i had done and what i am going to do in the future.Thinking bout school,i have really not been trying at all.It's a miracle that i managed to even pass some of the class tests without even trying and without even studying.But looking forward,the actual o lvl's exams are just looming ahead and in a few more months,i'll be sitting for the papers that will be deciding my future in which way i will be going.I got to buck up and i swear i will once school restarts.No more sleeping in class whether it's science or malay.No more skipping of humanities classes.This bam is gonna chiong till the o lvl's.I just hope that it's not too late.Thinking back on relationships,haha,good times and bad times.Somehow,i tend to think more on the bad times,cause it's these bad times that when we get over it,we get closer to each other and appreciate each other more.Still remember the time she shed tears for me in front of everyone at C.B.W . Still remember the times i shed my tears for her at a coffee shop in bedok reservoir.Haha,the times we both shed tears when declaring our "love" to each other.In the end,it's all total bullshit.But it's fun tho,being in love that is.But if u ask me right now if i ever wanted to get in a relationship again,i would say a flat-out NO.I won't deny the fact that i still think of her everynight before i go to sleep,but i would never fall in love ever again.Now,i just wanna concentrate on my studies,my friends,my bro's and just enjoy life as it comes.Man,i'm dead broke thanks to every weekend of "goyang" and looks like i'm addicted to it.Help me pls? But i guess no one really cares about me and why should they right?

2009-06-04T23:43:00.002+08:00

Short post short post!!! Going out soon to meet up with sham and going to shake.Going out tomorrow to pkms and going to study on saturday.On sunday,Powerhouse time!

2009-05-24T15:38:00.002+08:00

Stressful period of this year so far.I blew up for nothing and blew up over nothing.It's like as if i had the p.m.s.Had a big fight with Mr ahmad on friday's maths class even tho it's my fault.Got scolded by him and i just flip out and was on the verge of hitting him when he slammed the door in my face.It's the 1st time i ever raised my voice to a teacher since i started schooling again.Last week,went to shake with taufiq,hajar and naqib.Was super fun.The next day,went drinking with omar and the rest at pasir ris park.Had some issues with tanjong rhu people but its all settled.Yesterday,went to sentosa with the si si laq kampong and boy,over 30 people?? haha.Taufiq was upset that his girlfriend can't come along.Cheer up eh mate?pumped sayur and dang,i was bongok! lol.Sat at the rocks and faced the outside sea.Was a nice scenery with the sunsets and all.Must be very romantic for naqib and fiee,ras and ira..too bad for me,i was alone while the rest were busy playing soccer and fooling around.Again i had no mood to do anything.After that,headed to tamp with An,din and mike and slacked and i went home at about 11:30p.m.Dropped dead soon after.Today,i think i'll just stay at home as i have been going out every single day since last 2 saturdays.Life sucks.I miss having a girlfriend.Peace out.

2009-05-14T03:09:00.002+08:00

Feels like shit with no internet at home.So wad do i do? went out everyday and slack at pasir ris every single day.Can't wait for this saturday's drinking session with the guys and girls from MERCU and peeps from pasir ris.Exams are comming and studying have been a real bore.It sucks studying alone at home.I miss the old times and yes i still do miss her.The times where i would be studying with her at her void deck,the times we joke around while studying,the times where i would just stare blankly at her while she is studying.And khai has just been released and boy do i miss him alot.Finally,there's someone i could actually talk and relate to.Only he is the 1 person that know me inside out.Past few days have been hectic and stupid i must add.I'm gonna meet khai tomorrow and finish up my koi fish tattoo and if there is enough ink,i think i'll add another tattoo.I owe u 1 bro and thanks for the awesome tattoo.Next saturday will be the biggest outing with the pasir ris peeps to sentosa.God help me move on.I like living this single life whereas i can do whatever i want and there's no one stopping me.But i do miss the times where my special someone would text me randomly,those sweet nothing messages,cute talks on the phone.Fuck life.Peace out muthafockers.

2009-05-04T02:29:00.001+08:00

I gave you all you desired
All that you needed
Boy, I provided
I let you into my head
Into my bed
And that's a privilege
I had your back at the answers
You took the dollars
I took the chances
Defended, battled and fought
Cause I thought you really loved me
I don't know where to start or where to stop
No, but I know I am done
I've had enough

So fall out of my hands
Out of my heart
And when you hit the ground
You'll be sorry that I'm not around
I will watch you
And you fall out of your mind
Out of your fantasy
When you hit the wall
Think of me
I'll be on the top just watching you fall

You said that you were the strong one
I was the girl
And I was the young one
I kept your feet on the ground
My head in the rounds I had you
You told me you were so grateful
I was with you
And I was so faithful
Stood by in all that you said
And all that you did
I loved you
I don't know how to act or what to say
But I know I am good
I'll be okay

And you fall out of my hands
Out of my heart
And when you hit the ground
You'll be sorry that I'm not around
I will watch you
And you fall out of your mind
Out of your fantasy
When you hit the wall
Think of me
I'll be on the top just watching you fall
I'll be on the top just watching you fall

So fall out of my hands
Out of my heart
And when you hit the ground
You'll be sorry that I'm not around
I will watch you
And you fall out of your mind
Out of your fantasy
When you hit the wall
Think of me
I'll be on the top just watching you fall
I'll be on the top just watching you fall

2009-04-30T21:11:00.002+08:00

Hey hey hey(!!!)

MiraSunshine is here!(:

I am here to update something, a lil note from the owner of this bloggaye. Well, firstly, he wont be updating this blog due to the breakdown of this laptop/computer. Ayie will get back to blogging as soon as the laptop/computer is repaired.

So peoples, stay tuned!

ps: Ayie!!! you own me something now! if not i pull your hair!! *laughs.

xoxo.
Egyptian Queen.

2009-04-21T05:13:00.002+08:00

School's been a bore ever since the change of classes.Personally for me,i lost the motivation to study.I have been skipping classes and school tons of times.Have not been doing my work in class.Have not been doing my homework.Reason being? The place that i am sitting at is the very place where she used to sit during the 1st few days of our foundation term.Every single time i tried to do my work in class,memories kept comming back and thankfully i have managed time and again to brush them aside but i still can't do my work due to the quietness of the new class.No noise makers.No laughters to make studying fun.I miss my old classmates very much.Mantom,Nazzeer,Elly,Wardah and such.They are the ones that made the class beautiful and lively.Ijah's and Wardah's laughter.Mantom's and Nazzeer's jokes.Elly's ermm...well,just the sight of her made me smile.Been hanging out at pkms alot lately.Went to amuk's concert on saturday and slacked at pkms again after that.This comming friday,again will be at pkms but we will be playing boxing.On next monday night, /// will be going to memories! wohoo! 6 ppl just guys having a fun filled night out at the ktv.Dun want to get a hostess as i plan to go home straight after as i have school the next day.U guys have "fun".Sigh,i miss my bro khai.I wonder how he is doing in there.I really hope he is doing ok.

2009-04-16T03:29:00.002+08:00

Can't get to sleep tonight.No reason why.Just been thinking about thing.New things that i have never felt nor experienced before.Somehow,i'm loving this new lease but at some point i hated it so much,i feel like ending myself,fast and silently.New matured friends,new experience with old people and how they react and such to our modern criticisms.Alot to be taken in but its has been an overwhelming experience.At times,i feel on top of the world but when that feeling came,it seems like the whole world just came tumbling down with it.I'm grateful to have this experience but sometimes,i wanna share it with someone and thats the 1 main thing that has made me feel down most of the time.As for school,i seem to have given up.I may have passed english and science,but i feel really down for failing maths and i dun blame anyone except myself for not been attending school or reaching school punctually.Even Mr Hamdan doesn't know wad else to say to me.Why am i turning this way? I am not like this last year.Is it due to hatred towards this cruel and unpredictable world? Is it the prejudice with girls? Is it me? Simply can't be answered and how i wish i could answer them to satisfy my need for knowledge.Looking back on my past,i miss those carefree days.I wanna get out of this new life and i wanna live my old but is it possible?

Random Gibberish

2009-04-13T23:29:00.002+08:00

Well well,been bloody lazy to do anything at home so i basically just went out alot.Either to slack or ktv.Went to valentine on tuesday and got home drunk.Nothing interesting happened on the following days except just gambling away at P.K.M.S .Today after school,went over to sembawang and got my hair dreadlocked :D .

2009-04-06T02:04:00.002+08:00

Heya.Just got home p.k.m.s and its 2 a.m right now.Slacking at p.k.m.s had been very fun and a new experience for me.I have never slacked with people over the age of 40+ and its very fun.No childish issues whatsoever.On saturday,headed to abg amy's house at about 6:30 and headed to p.k.m.s.We then watched kuda kepang at malay village.I swear it's fucking stupid and scary at the same time.Once the show is done,headed back to p.k.m.s and we gambled till 6 a.m in the morning.lol.I was up by 80 bucks by playing bingo but lost it all when we played pair call -.- .Reached at at 7 and can't sleep cause suddenly memories came back.I don't know how nor why but it did.At 4 p.m,got ready and went to p.k.m.s as we had a meeting.Fucking shocked with the news.We fucking "kap" with Alip?!? Like what the hell? Never mind that.After meeting we played Bingo again and i didnt win nor lose,hoho.Tomorrow,i'll be with my new class,i'll be missing those peeps.But what can i do? Tried my best to persuade the guys but,oh well.Hopefully the new class is not gonna cross me.

2009-04-01T03:55:00.001+08:00

Lately I've been thinking 'bout wat i can do

I've been stressing to fall back in love with you

I'm so sorry that I couldn't follow through

But I can't go on this way

I've got to stop it babe

You've been wonderful in all that you can be

But it hurts when you say that you understand me

So believe me I, I am sorry I.. I am sorry I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall

I wanted you to see me through it all

I wanted you to be the one I love

I wanted you, I wanted you

I wanted you to hold me in my sleep

I wanted you to show me what I need

I wanted you to know just how down deep

I wanted you, I wanted you

I've been pushing hard to open up the door

Trying to take us back to where we were before

But I'm done I just can't do this anymore

Cause we can't be mended

So let's stop pretending now

We've been walking round in circles for some time

And I think we should head for the finish line

So believe me I, I am sorry I.. I am sorry I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall

I wanted you to see me through it all

I wanted you to be the one I love

I wanted you, I wanted you

I wanted you to hold me in my sleep

I wanted you to show me what I need

I wanted you to know just how down deep

I wanted you, I wanted you, yeah

I, I I'm so sorry baby but

I, I I've got to pack up and leave but

I, I'll always remember how we came close to be

And what I wanted to be

I wanted you baby

Oooooh Yeahh

I wanted you

I wanted, I wanted you

I wanted you to be there when I fall (I wanted you to be there, yeahhh)

I wanted you to see me through it all

I wanted you to be the one I love (Ooh ooh)

I wanted you, I wanted you (I wanted you oh)

I wanted you to hold me in my sleep

I wanted you to show me what I need (I wanted you to know me just how down deep yeah)

I wanted you to know just how down deep (I wanted you to know just how)

I wanted you, I wanted youI wanted you

I.. I wanted you, I wanted you

2009-04-01T03:27:00.002+08:00

Heya! Sorry for not updating for soo long.Reason being is that i'm just too lazy and do not have the mood to do so.Life's been kinda hectic i must say.God i love my friends so.They have been with me through thick and thin and whenever i needed them,they are always there for me.A big thank you to my closest buddies such as Omar,Sida and Khairul.Speaking of Khairul,he has not been calling me nor texted me for the past 2 weeks.I'm really worried for him.I really hope he is ok.But i have a gut feeling that he has been caught.Either for vehicle theft or for taking heroin.Warned him soo many times to drop that shit.I fucking missed u bro.I really wish that your ok.As for school wise,benn failing almost all my subjects.I know i have not been able to concentrate on my studies this year and i must really pull my socks soon.Very soon.Failed english.Yes,u heard me right,i failed my english and it was a comprehension test in which comprehension is supposed to be my forte.Failed malay cause i didnt turn up for paper 1.Luckily i passed my science with a b3.I know i dropped alot from scoring straight a1's and now dropping to b3.As for maths,results are not out yet but i have a feeling i'm going to fail it.Reason? The paper is fucking tough.Combine humanities,no need to ask.Thinking back,i have realli lost the will to study.Was scoring straight a's last yr and topping the class every single time but this year,flunked terribly.To recap on the things i did the past 2 weeks or so.Didn't really do much cept for staying at home and sleeping.My body feels really tired.Last week,went to valentime with abg amy and his cousin.After karaokeing,headed down to geylang and booked a room.Headed home at bout 7:30 a.m,got ready and left for school.Classmates have not been attending class and as a result,half the class is going to be transferred to the other class.Sadly,wun be in the same class as Elly.But sigh,it has to be this way.So today,i headed home after school and slept upon reaching home.Woke up and got online while listening to the radio.The song sweetest girl came on and memories came flooding back.Part of me wanted to turn off the radio but part of me didn't want to.Enough bout that.I'm gonna dreadlock my hair this thursday and omar is sleeping over at my place to do my hair.Can't fucking wait.Had enough of the fanatic ways.Been a month since i took out all my piercings,i mean all including my eyebrow.Hopefully with the dreadlock and the new image of mine people will think differently about me.*crosses fingers*.This saturday is the starting of the lab practical lessons.And my class are planning a chalet on June and hope it turns out well.Nothing else to update about so until next time! Au Revoir.

2009-03-23T23:18:00.024+08:00

Here are the pics taken on sat night.Not gonna blog alot for this post as i dun have to mood to blog.This saturday,Powerhouse.This thursday,might be going Double O.On the 3rd next month,going to dreadlock my hair and on the 5th next month,going hard rock for reggae night.

2009-03-19T16:10:00.002+08:00

Darn sleepy and i just got back from school as there was maths remedial and the test.The god darn test was soo freakin tough even when we can use the calculators.I swear to god this year o lvl's is gonna be fucked up due to the change in syllabus.Did nothing yesterday cept for a good nights laugh with seri,an old primary school classmate,we met tru facebook and chatted on msn.Talked about our good ol primary school days and had a good laugh.Was nice to meet an old friend and we caught up on each other and our other primary school mates.Talked bout life and love life which i didnt say anything bout mine cause i had enough.Planning to go clubbing with her and she is gonna try and bring her mates and i'll try to bring mine.Cheer up aite old friend? Everything is gonna be fine.I hope.As for today,just gonna meet sida and slack till night and after that gonna meet abg amy to discuss bout some stuff as on friday night there will be a meeting for our mafia and to discuss persambutan awie which will be comming to singapore next month to meet us.Anis(budak jam bukit panjang nye orang besar) will also be meeting abang amy tonight as he also wanna join us.Nothing else to blog.Adios.

2009-03-18T23:28:00.002+08:00

Nothing has been going on in my life that is interesting to blog about and i didn't really do much past 2 days or so.Just rot at home or slacking with abg amy at his house and played the guitar.But i'm really looking forward to this saturdays outing with hamry,omar,bo,ilham,ai ai,sida and ai ai's mum at changi.Will be bbq'ing and fishing and drinking the night away.Today after remedial,went for my 1st prac and failed it as expected.Stupid break confusing me.Dunno whether to press the clutch 1st or use both breaks 1st -.- .That failed me.As for the others,i can say i did very well thx to coaching from omar,mahadir,akiff and khairul.Speaking of khairul,i wonder how he is doing since his accident.I realli hope he is ok.He is the 1 guy that is always there for me and i can always count on for help besides omar and sida.I miss spending time with him.His jokes,stupidity and coolness made me laugh my heart out at times.Hope your doing ok bro.I hope i get the job omar reccommended me and if i do,it will only be a 2 motnhs job and the pay? What will i spend on with $6.4k ?:D probably gonna lazer my tattoo's and go shopping at taka.Gonna be different tho shopping without her as i'm not used to spending money by myself but hey,times changed and i have to change.With that said,i already took out all my piercings including my eyebrow.Tomorrow,maths test.Hope i can pass this test as i have already failed my english but passed my science.

Missing her

2009-03-16T17:56:00.005+08:00

Above are pictures taken yesterday night outside zouk while waiting for mahadir and the other's who are below 18 years of age to gain entry.Those above 18 are able to go in through phuture.lol.Okay yesterday,left house at about 2 and headed to aunt's place for my nephew's kenduri sunat.Waited for kakak there and she reached at about 5:30 p.m.Me and kakak left at 6 with ina and headed off to suntec as kakak wanted to buy an external hard drive.Walked around after that and realised it was already 9:30 p.m .Called up mahadir and agree to meet him at Clarke Quey mrt station at 10:15.Sent kakak and ina off to the bus stop and i began my walking journey as i still have 30 mins to reach Clarke Quey,i decided to walk from city hall.Reached at about 10:10 p.m.lol.So i took my time walking by the singapore river.Sigh.Headed back to the control station and went to the toilet to freshen up and waited for mahadir and his friends.When they arrived,we began walking to zouk and damn it was a long long walk.Walked past riverside point,Double O,and reached zouk.Waited for Rano to come outside and give us the tickets and then Omar arrived.Too many crazy things happened inside due to mahadir's childishness and i had a good laugh in there.And also,too many people know me in there.Everywhere i walk i would hear people shouting "bam!" Not a good sign so i stayed close to omar.Alot of chinese there.Bumped into kai sheng(former patrician) and lots of other's.Enjoyable night out with omar and mahadir.Looking forward to our 21st bbq pit with hamry and gang at changi beach!This time,It's drinks galore!I miss you.

My blog is going private very soon!

2009-03-15T13:20:00.002+08:00

Man,i feel restless.Been going out almost everyday.My body is tired and need rest but i can't stay at home.Why? Memories.That's why i have been going out everyday and even when i sleep,i don't sleep in my room.How i wish these memories will stop flooding my head so i can get on with my life normally.And when i'm not thinking of her,i'm thinking of another girl.Love is,but a complicated tussle,like life is.Fuck life.Why care about someone when they dun fucking even spare a thought for you?I'll be going in soon anyways so yea.Someone asked me,"Once i'm inside and when i'm released,will i change my ways?" Fuck no.Girls made me what i have become and yes,i blame girls for my own undoing.I know not all the girls are the same but i have yet to meet a girl that will change my prospective on that account.So yes,in my opinion,all girls are the same.Fuck life.It's cruel,unpredictable and it's ruthless.I live the way that i wanna live now.Will i change for the better? Depends if a girl can make me change.OKAY.Enough with my random gibberish.Time to recap on wad happened the past few days even tho theres nothing interesting that happened.Thursday,went to school as usual.After school,errmmm,okay i can't remember wad i did.Moving on to friday.Went to school as usual and after school,accompanied taufiq to bedok reservoir to get his haircut and went home after that.Slept for awhile upon reaching home den showered and got ready to meet the boys at pasir ris for some boxing activity which didnt happened and they played takraw instead.Went home at about 11 p.m.Sleep upon reaching home.Saturday,was awoken by mummy and was asked to accompany her and sister to I.T fair thats happening at suntec so i did.Walked around and around from 3 p.m till 8.After that,we went to mummy's friend's chalet at costa sands resort.Me and kakak ate like a pig there,snapping up the chickens and prawns.Went home at about 12:30 and i watched freedom writers on h.b.o .Was a really good show.Slept after the show and woke up at 1:40 and here i am blogging.As for today,I'll be getting dressed soon to go to auntie's place for a kenduri sunat of my nephew and after that will be meeting omar and mahadir and party at zouk! Au Revoir.

Missing her and her.

2009-03-11T19:50:00.049+08:00

Was a very fun-filled day today at a.m.p .Motivational talk was rubbish in my case as i've heard it last year.But the activities this yr was different,more mind boggling and alot more fun! The activities were held at seashell park.During break and before the activities,we had a little celebration as it was wardah's birthday.Happy 17th birthday wardah!After the activities,decided to slack so me,nazzeer,akiff,mahadir,elly and wati headed to white sands where we walked around and took lots of pictures.We then headed to macdonalds to chill.Moved off at about 4:15 and took the train with elly and wati.Alighted at tamp with elly and took 293.Was kinda akward as we kept silent the whole time while walking and in the bus.Wanted to talk but can't think of a topic to start a convo.Headed home straight and here i am.I'll let the pics do the talking for today's events.And also,police are looking for me and mantom -.- .Gonna go in for sure.C.P.C,here i come.

Missing someone but its not who u think it is.

2009-03-08T21:40:00.002+08:00

It's 9:40 p.m atm and i just woke up.Calculated that i have slept for 17 hrs straight!! Time to update from friday till today on wads happening in my not-so fantastic life.On friday,went to school as usual and a new topic on maths was taught.Trigonometry.Finally i understood the topic.Took mr Ahmad,Omar,Taufiq and Mantom to teach me! lol! After maths,had science lesson and it was just a revision on chemistry and physics for our test that's gonna happen on the following week so i kinda not pay any attention as it was soo last year and i had practically memorised everything on molecular calculations,chemical bondings,moments and such.Gonna be a breeze for me.Sadly tho,i failed my english test.To be fair,only 1 person passed.After school,i went home to change to shoes and met up with the rest later at white sands.After receiving the phone,we headed to loyang point and let go of the phone.I went home after as i didnt feel like hanging out.Slept upon reaching home and was awoken by abg amy and he came over and picked me up and we slacked at his place.Learned how to play the guitar and talked shit till 7 a.m when i went home.Woke up at 11;30 a.m and got ready and went to this job fair with kakak and ina after which i headed to yishun and sent dhiya home.After doing so,went to pasir ris white sands to meet them but they were late instead nazzeer's ex came 1st.So me and her waited for them.When they came,i was fucking pissed.But was okay after awhile as they are my classmates and they apologised.Went to marina square and chilled and fooled around den we ate at macdonalds.After which,we went to bugis for seesha.We took the last train back to tamp and some went home while some hanged around in tampines.Me,khai,taufiq and arip dragon slacked with abg amy and drank some king roberts.Ivomitted.lol.Can't drink black liquor -.- . When walking home,khai started a bike with his house key.lol.Look around for helmets and he sent me home.When walking to the lift,guess wad i saw? Adriana! Played with her for abit before going up and took some pictures.When i was wlking to the lift,i saw oshiana.lol.Both of them are still in the area since the release.Upon reaching home,i slept dead and woke up at this time,9;40 p.m.I'm too lazy to upload the pics of adriana so i guess i'll update the pics in a few days.Not in the mood to blog bout anything else.BYE.

Missing her

2009-03-05T00:31:00.002+08:00

Went down to pasir ris yesterday as yasser got a problem with a chinese guy who claimed to be kallang airport.Waited outside coral sec with the boys(only 4 of us) and yasser spared with him,dropping him.Wasted out time then.Den we headed to elias mall to look for a particular guy who slapped mika.Can't find him.Slacked with them till 11 and it was hafiz gemok's birthday and we saboed him like omg! Reached home at about 11:30 p.m and dropped dead.Next day,woke up at 7:30 and got ready for school.Upon reaching school,decided not to go for english and so i didnt.Met up with mantom at eunos pasar and had our breakfast.In class,nazzeer said to go down coral sec due to yesterday's problem so i did.The chinese came and mantom,nazzeer were wasting time talking so i grabbed the guy and gave him 1 hell of a beating when all hell boke loose.After that,went off and went home.Slept upon reaching home and woke up at about 9 p.m and met up with khairul and abg amy at north park.Slacked and they went home at bout 12.I walked home rather feeling down so i took a detour and walked along the connector.These past week has been fun nevertheless,but there's something missing in my life. Fuck this.I'm just looking forward to this saturday's outing with the boys.Hopefully miko will bring along pink! and hopefully elly will follow along on this class outing eh? which she prolly won't.lol.

Missing her

2009-03-02T17:51:00.008+08:00

Time to update on the past few days starting with friday.Went to grandlink for kareoke with the boys after school.Was fun but didnt feel the same.I also pierced my eyebrow there too.Thanks akiff.Next will be my tounge den my lips aite? After kareoke,went home and got changed and meet up with the boys and their friends and khai at pasir ris and went to look for elias.Didnt manage to find him but found his girl.Lucky for her i dun beat up girls anymore so we let her go and i wanted elias anyway.Khai didn't bring his chopper down for me for nothing.Slacked under his block but no sight of him and we got tired of waiting so we headed to downtown east.Walked here and there hoping to find him but to no avail.We then went to white sands again to no avail.I really want him.And after i get him,it's taufiq's turn.Gave up after white sands and we headed to central to slack till 1 a.m or so den i went home.On saturday,went to enrol my liecense with mantom and arip dragon after which we went to bugis and walked around.Met up with the boys later on and headed to esplanade in search for elias.Turned out to be raining so we juz slacked at marina's macdonalds.Slacked till about 8 and we headed to bugis for sheesha(however its spelled)When we are done there,some of the boys went to powerhouse and i didn't follow as i dun wanna see her in case she is there.Headed home straight away.On sunday,didn't really plan to go out as i wanted to dye my hair but last minute,went to hard rock cafe with omar,sida,bo and ai ai.Was reggae night so yea.Managed to dye my hair tho.Bought mahagony auburn but colour came out like cherry red? At hard rock,bumped into izan and zee.Headed home straight after as i have shool tomorrow.So today,went to school as usual and didnt hang out with the boys as i dun have the mood.Nothing else to blog about now.Hopefully i can get him this weekend.AKU NAK OMEGA!

Missing her

2009-02-26T19:41:00.002+08:00

Yesterday,skipped history lesson while the boys skipped their geography lesson and we hanged out at tamp inter from 1:30 till bout 5 p.m and headed down to pasir ris and chilled at white sands mac d. till about 8:30,the latest we can hang out as mantom had to go home cause of his tagging.While at pasir ris,I got taufiq to pierce his nose and so,to get him to pierce his nose,i promise him i'll pierce my eyebrow like him.So tomorrow after school,we'll be heading to grandlink karaoke and in there i will pierce my eyebrow together with my tounge.Might as well do it at one shot and bear with the pain in total right?So today after school,again we went down to tamp and slacked at inter.Bought 2 hollow needles for tomorrow's "project".And after karaoke,i'll be going home to rest or sleep and meet up with taufiq again at night,this time to *shake* yes! :D As for saturday,the boys will be following me to ubi's C.D.C and after which we'll be going to nee soon as i wanna get another tattoo.Betol nye jiwe ah my classmates this yr.After that,we'll head to town to walk about and at night,again with the jiwe,they will follow me down to simei.For what u might ask? Nothing u should know :D And sunday,class outing to sengkang swimming complex.I might bring drinks along as those retards are heavy drinkers like me.And the cats,well,my classmates are urging me to let them go as they see no point in keeping them especially nazzeer(badan besar,pak cik gangster name pop is tokyo,takot kuching.lol) and i will soon enough guys.Most probably tomorrow night before i meet taufiq,i will let them go.And oh,i forgot to add,after going down to simei with the boys,i'll be going to ming's arcade again but this time to meet omar,hamry and their yishun/sembawang buddies to drinks all night long at the pub.I'll be going home tipsy yo! So many plans this week,if only it will be the same for every other week.And mantom,after i pass my liecense,i might take up ur offer on Phantom.But no offence,but i prefer Blackjack.Nothing else to blog about and gonna get ready to meet khai at my void deck den heading down to pasir ris to meet the boys.

Missing her

2009-02-25T01:23:00.002+08:00

Its 1:30 am right now and i juz came home from karaoke and drinking session at ming's arcade pub.Went out and hang out with the boys at tamp inter after school today where they are juz busy teasing girls.Met up with sida after at about 6 and headed to ming's arcade.Didn't sing more than 5 songs at cash studio as i dun feel like singing.Juz sang some oldies like again by lenny kravitz,Kau dipaksa ku terpaksa by scan and such.When the time is over which is about 10,headed up to the pub for drinks.7 jugs of stella artoir and 2 jugs of burban to drink among 4 person.Wanted to order more as i feel like drinking a whole lot even tho the pain is obvious but omar and sida stopped.Tomorrow,just gonna go home straight from school and rot.The boys asked me to hang out with them but i think i'll pass.Above are some pics of the cats i took earlier when i reached home.This saturday,gonna head down to ubi(comfort driving centre) after which i'll be heading down to nee soon to get another tattoo.As for sunday,the class is going for another outing but this time it will either be at jurong swimming complex or east coast beach.Not sure if i'm going tho but i'll try to make it.Nothing else to blog about as i dun have the mood to do so.

Missing her

2009-02-23T15:56:00.002+08:00

Pertama kali ku melihat wajahmu,
Sayunya hati ku merindui dirimu.
Walaupun belum kita bersua muka,
Namun aku tetap jatuh cinta.

Pertama kali kau berbual dengan ku,
Hatiku terpaut melihat senyumanmu.
Aku mengharap engkap menerima ku,
Kerna aku bersedia menyintaimu.

(Bridge)
Akan ku renang lautan yang berapi,
Membuktikan kehebatannya cinta ini.
Tetapi bila kau meninggalkan aku,
Terhiris hati ini,terguris jiwa ini,menangis tak berlagu.

(Chorus)
Biar pun ombak yang berubah pantai,
Kasih ku takkan hancur berderai.
Biar pun hari berganti hari,
Dirimu tetap ku nanti.

Sayangku pimpinkan tangan ku,
Menuju mahligai bahgia.
Kita bersama nikmati kisah cinta,
Hidup bagaikan di syurga.
Oh yani.

(Repeat bridge and chorus)

Well well,above is a song i liked by apit.Changed a tiny bit of the lyrics to suit my fitting.Yesterday went to downtown east with khai and sida to have our late lunch at fish&co express.After eating,met up with omar and we walked around for awhile.After we got bored,we headed to some block nearby so omar can do his homework.I purposely choose botak's blk.When we arrived,khai said that if anything happens,he dun wanna get involve.That left omar and sida stunned.So khai explained the thing to them and sida gave me that look.She nagged and nagged and nagged.And so did omar.Omar went on to do his homework while i just walk around the playground.When it was 7+ sida decided to go to central so we did.Went into 7-11 and bought some beers.Called up taufiq and nazzeer and met up with them.Talked,chilled,drank till about 10 when we headed home drunk.Upon reaching home,i barely managed to get on msn and dozed off -.- .Really sorry to the people who wanted to chat with me but i didnt reply.Woke up and got ready for school.Met up with elly at the 24hrs bus stop and went to school together.When we got there,i went to 7-11 and met up with taufiq and nazzeer and we decided not to go for malay class.Akiff and luqman came late so they joined us.In class,we planned for the next class outing on this sunday.I can't make it on saturday due to plans with sida and omar and for me to go nee soon therefore pushing the outing to sunday.Have yet to decide where to go and wad to do on this sunday still as the girls dun wanna go swimming.Headed straight home after school as i dun feel like hanging out with the boys but i promised to hangout with them tomorrow.Upon reaching home,Adriana as usual,cuddled up to my feet.And while laying on my bed,Oshiana came up beside me as if these cats know i'm feeling lost.Got up,took the laptop from my sis room and here i am blogging.15 march,outing with the boys and going to zouk.21 march,outing with omar,hamry,sida,khai and the sembawang/yishun guys+girls at changi for a bbq.Sigh,i miss her.

Missing my princess

2009-02-22T16:16:00.004+08:00

Gawd.Just woke up 5 mins ago due to a phonecall which i didnt answer.Not because i don't want too.It's because i'm scared to.Oh well,above are some pictures taken yesterday.I went to sentosa as luqman begged me to go and give him "face" so i had to go even tho i feel like i don't want to.So,met up with arip dragon at bedok and headed to harbour front where akiff and luqman was already waiting.The rest? lets just say "janji melayu".So the 4 of us walked around vivo and harbour front.Went to macdonalds as i was starving.Headed back to the stage at vivo city where the rest has arrived.Finished up my food,bought the tickets and in we go!Walked to pahlawan beach and started taking our clothes off the moment we reach.Taufiq and luqman went to get some girls number which i didnt bother cause i came here to destress.Jumped into the water with arip and akiff.Not more than 10 mins later,it started raining -.- .We ran into the tower to get shelter and that's where our nonsence began.We drank and drank and drank and drank.lol.Taufiq brought "ikan".after being caught up for more than 3 hrs,we decided to juz pack and chill at vivo city and so we did.Some dumb guy bang into me while we were walking at vivo.I turned and approached him.I thought the rest would follow but no they didnt.Their reason? "Kesian siol tu budak,muke dah nak nangis abih pompan dia muke dah chuak.Kau sial ah ayie" lol.Let's just say i was not in the best of mood.Nazzeer had some trouble with chinese people at pasir ris which i decided to go down pasir ris and help him.Talked to the guy and he said "paiseh" -.- .WHY WUN PEOPLE JUST BE FUCKING FANATIC FOR ONCE!! RELIVE YEAR 2002!!! ok enough shit.I need to get ready as i'm going out with sida and khai and at night will be meeting nazzeer,akiff,taufiq and elly to slack at pasir ris.Classmates chilling session! Sigh,i miss her.

Missing her.

2009-02-20T19:19:00.002+08:00

Sigh.So today is the day.It's over.i've let her decide and she has picked the obvious.Bad thing for me is that i have yet again lost the 1 i love most dearly.Good thing is that i can do wadever i want now.I can drink till i die,i can beat up people,especially taufiq and elias.reason y i have not done so is because of her.Trying to change myself but she aint showing the slightest bit of changing herself.And thinking back on wad Fauzy had said to me,i guess it's useless nowadays to be the person tat's so called "ade cara".Cause everywhere u see people,they tend to not have cara.I'm going out in abit to meet up with sida and khai to just slack and drink.whereas tomorrow,which i'm suppose to go sentosa with her and my classmates,i guess i wun be going if she doesnt go.I'll be joining omar instead at his friends bar at Ming's arcade.It's their anniversary and a jug of beer onli costs 7 bucks.very cheap and time to drink my sorrows away.i love yani and will love her forever.I swear never to have another girlfriend.And u can bet on it.

Missing my baby bushuk

2009-02-13T16:20:00.002+08:00

Man.It's been awhile since i last updated.Basically it's because i have no mood to blog.Yesterday night,went to sembawang to slack with omar alone to just relax our mind.Omar's stressing because of the studies.I am having that problem too but there are other things on my mind that i am stressed about.We drank and drank and talked just about everything under the sun.I'm really starting to connect with omar and it's good to have a best friend that is a guy cause all this while my best friend has been a girl,Sida.Its good to talk to a guy friend as the opinions comming from him are a guy's based point of view and yesterday for the 1st time,Omar actually pitied me having to go through wad i am going through.I dranked 3 cans of amsterdam and was like "wow".Realli starting to get high.Den omar,being the moron that he is bought a small bottle of chivas between us to drink.That's it.I can't remember anything i did but i do remember receiving a miss call from her and i dialled her back to give a miss call hoping that she would call back cause i dun wanna disrupt her fun time at double o.I ended up sleeping at omar's place and was awoken by him as he needs to go to cmpb.He sent me off to yishun and i took a buus home from there.In the bus,i texted her saying i missed her and the reply i got was heartbreaking.How would i know she didnt go to double o? and i checked my call log and i dialled the wrong number.Man,i was dumb.And now,looks like she is ending things with us.Sigh.It was a honest mistake.I love her and have never stopped loving her.Tears welling up my eyes as i'm writing this.Until next time.

Missing my Princess

2009-01-20T17:40:00.002+08:00

Another day passed.Didn't get to to hear her voice yesterday.All i asked was about the money that i needed to buy my books.She flared up.So i sold my phone and used the money to buy my books.Dun realli have the mood to blog.

2009-01-19T03:30:00.002+08:00

It's 3:30 in the morning and i can't get myself to close my eyes. I do wanna go to school but it's getting tougher and tougher every single day. No one knows the pain i go through by going to school alone and going back home from it alone. But 1 thing is for sure,boy am i glad that fauzi has been released from the detention barracks.After alot of talking with him,i finally realised the true meaning of brotherhood just like in the old days and we are going to make it happen. Who fucking cares if we are not in a shirt? i certainly don't cause i know i have BROTHER'S like fauzi,abul and ahmad behind my back.In other words,we have each other's back just like old times.We even have people we wanna "do". fauzi has 5 people in mind and i have just 3 in mind atm but i promised him there will be more very soon.As for abul's,me and abul has already taken care of the person.Ahmad,being the spoiler that he always is,doesn't have anyone.February,will be the month of total madness.Nothing much to blog about anymore even tho the pain i feel is always in me but it's impossible to put it into words. Since my life is already fucked up rite now,no harm in making it worse.Omega,Phantom,Sar kong sar,Airport,Tanjong Rhu...be warned.I cant wait yet at the same time,that certain someone that will always be the 1 i love keeps pulling me back.I love u Yani.

2009-01-01T12:26:00.002+08:00

Sigh.Soo bored with nothing to do.listen to music,watched t.v.My phone is silent.It will remain that way.Read the messages she sent to me.Heart sank.She said she wants us to go dating after new years.Nothing i can do and wait.As usual.Been isolating myself in my room for god knows how long.

My New Years Resolution:To Be With Her Till Eternity

2009-01-01T08:37:00.009+08:00

Hey people.Above are some overdued pics of me and her and some were taken earlier,on the last day of 2008.Went out at 2 p.m today and met up with khairul and haikal and went to nee soon to david's tattoo studio to get my tattoo made.I wanted a tiger but decided on a panther upon reaching there.It was not bad.Not as painful as i imagined it would be but when applying the alcahol,i swear the pain is fucking excruciating.I juz shook it off.I've dealt worse pain's before.So,this sunday i'm going back there and am gonna get another 1.This time,it's not gonna be a picture.It will be her name under the panther.After getting the tattoo,went to yishun and met up with kino.I thought we will just be walking for awhile den go home as i didn't wanna celebrate new years.But since we are going to Canto rock,I went along.Drank to my hearts content there with martell,chivas and loads of beer(my fav).5 barrels in all.Pain killing me but i ignored it.As soon as the pub closes,i attempted to leave but i had to limp out of the pub.Walking at boat quey,seeing other couples made my heart sink.Sigh,she said she was gonna message me 2 days ago,but up till now,she still hasn't.After new years.That's wad she said.I got to go now and apply the minyak lintar that i bought from geylang the other day.I swear it smells like minyak gamat.Adios.

Missing my Baby Bushuk

Fuck The Present,Forget About Future,Relive The Past!

2008-12-31T06:19:00.003+08:00

Good ol days.Nothing like spending money on booze booze and more booze to drown my sorrows away.And thanks to abul for always being there for me.Yesterday,after meeting abg amy,i went i reached home at about 11p.m .Kept thinking about her and thought that i needed to drink.As if like abul knows i needed companion,he called right at the moment.Met up with him at about 3:30 a.m and headed to 100+ coffeeshop and drank like nobody's business.I fucking ignored the pain but strangely,the pain is not as extreme as it used to be.Just for yesterday night,$80 bucks gone on drinks.God knows how many i drank.Abul didnt drink tho,he was there to just accompany me.As for today,met up with abul,amin and shah to slack.We walked and walked till we reached Pasir Ris central express coffeeshop.Wanted to eat but there's nothing nice and decided to go to changi.Ate there and walked around till we got bored.We then decided to head home and change clothes and wear shoes.Met up again and we went to geylang.Just like the good ol fanatic days.I wanted to drink so we did at the coffeeshop at lorong 18.After drinking beer,i needed something heavier.Bought 3 bottles of king roberts and hailed a cab to Pasir Ris Park.Drank and drank again pain striking me.Fucking ignored it.I'm bam.I'm used to pain.On the second bottle,i made a mistake by taking out my phone and out comes her pic.Broke down almost immediately.Wiped it off and decided to look for victims.Nothing happened there so we decided to walk home.While walking at the connector,2 chinese guys were walking as if they wanted to fly.Abul "hung" them and it started.Felt good.As for tomorrow,i'll be going to nee soon and get my angkong made :D .$80 bucks left from $400 in just 2 nights -.- .Sigh,can't bear to say this but i miss her.

Missing my Baby Bushuk

2008-12-30T04:07:00.003+08:00

Hati siapakah mampu menahan rasa terkilan
Setelah percintaan dihujani halangan
Sia-sialah aku berkorban selama ini
Andai dirimu tak mampu aku miliki

Pernah jua ku terluka dihiris belati tajam
Walaupun rasa pedih masih mampu ku menahan
Tapi kini aku luka erti luka perasaan
Walaupun tak berdarah bisa buat aku gundah

Kutahu cintamu amat kuat untuk diri ini
Namun tak memberi erti
Jurang pemisah di antara kita
Makin hampir ketara

(chorus repeat 2x)

Hina sangatkah aku pada pandangan keluargamu
Hingga sewenang tohmahan dilemparkan
Engkau hanya bisu melihat aku
Yang bermatian seorang menepis hinaan

Oh kasih andai ini kesudahan
Ikhtiarku tiada lagi
Walau kita saling sayang
Terpaksa kuundur diri
Agar tiada pihak terluka kerna kita

Kau dipaksa lupakan aku
Dengan rela kau menurut
Ku terpaksa lepaskan mu
Walau sayangku bertaut

No words can describe the pain i felt.Tears rolled down my cheeks upon seeing the message.All my effort is not appreciated.All my sacrifices went unnoticed.All my time wasted.All my love left ignored.This might be my last post as it is no use to write about my life anymore.Will still come in to look at Fauzi's blog.Will not be celebrating new yr's this year.Happy new yr's to everyone out there.

Missing my baby bushuk

2008-12-26T19:30:00.001+08:00

Hina sangatkah aku pada pandangan keluargamu?

2008-12-19T17:24:00.003+08:00

Just updating on to fill this so called online notebook.The good thing about this blog is that u get to post wadever u want and nobody can stop u.You can even get feedbacks,advice and sometimes help from the readers that read ur blog and tag in the tag collumn.You get to express how u feel,wad u are feeling and everything.But of course,every good thing comes with something bad such as tag haters.Well,best thing to do is simply ignore.Dun reply to their taggs and they will get bored with it.And for those hate taggers that doesn't stop even after being ignored,it just goes to show wad a nice life they have.Hope this post covers it.I do have something else to update on but i dun feel like updating it yet.To make it easier,lets just put it this way.I GAVE UP ON LIFE. Until next time.

Missing My Princess

And I,Will Never Try To Deny,Cause You Are My Whole Life

2008-12-16T08:21:00.004+08:00

Just to update on my life and wad's happening these past few days.On sat night,i went to Zouk-out with omar and hamry.It has been awhile since i last hung out with them.I didnt plan on going but when they asked me along,last minute plan i might add.I practially had to rush after they asked me along.That's how last minute it was.Met up with them at Vivo City at 8:30 p.m and we slacked outside Harbour Front while waiting for Hamry's friends to arrive.We drank a carton of heineken and just talked about life and wad has been going on in our love life and such.In our love life,Omar is the luckiest 1 of all even tho of all the heartbreak he has been going through with his ex.I'm happy for u Omar.Really am.Can't say the same for me and Hamry tho.But yea,i'm the worse hit.At about 9:15,his friends came and wow,all are familiar faces to me.All four of his friends,and i mean all,stayed around my area and they were also shocked to see me.It's like we know each other but have never really talked.They are a noisy bunch of people who just loves to party and girls.And oh..smoking weed too.We bought another carton of beer and after finishing the beers and introducing each other,we headed to sentosa.We have liquor with us but the amount of bottles we had when we reached there was like omg.Met Hamry's elder brother and u can already see like 5 bottles of liquor.Not even adding the ones we had with us.Absolute raspberry,chivas,Jim Beam,Jack daniels.U name it,it was there.To drink among 10 people -.- .Finished off the absolutes like smirnoff,raspberry and such.I stopped when it reached to the black liquor.I know i cant handle black liquor.Didn't finish the drinks as we all are fucking high so we put them into the locker and headed in.The music was awesome.Atmosphere fantastic,but i wasn't there to enjoy myself.I was there to spend time with Omar and Hamry and to soak in the feeling of being outside.Saw eliana and qash.Approached them but the look that qash gave me makes me feel like slapping her face.Maybe its something she told her or talked to her about me.I don't care.They are girls and i don't fucking care about girls anymore.Have nothing against them but i had already gave up on girls,like literally.Was happy to see Omar and hamry's friends dancing all day long and no girls were involve.Just us guys.Well,for omar that is,not for Hamry's friends.Me and hamry just stood around and talking to eah other.Commenting about how stupid the girls dresses up and such.Hamry even laughed at Qash and eliana."nak step mane nye maut jer".So true.lol.Kept messaging seretly with her when Omar is dancing.Headed home alone,as usual.Feels fucking different going out without her.Went out again in the afternoon to my cousins chalet and headed home tomorrow morning.Have not realli slept for the past 4-5 days and not eating well.Nothing more to update as i dun feel like talking about something.Until next time.

Missing my baby bushuk

2008-12-13T15:43:00.003+08:00

Arrrgghh!!! Everything is not going right with me.My mother is bitching at me from morning till now.I hate this.What is wrong with me not going out? i don't go out and she bickers.I go out alot she bickers.What the fuck does she want me to do?And it's not that i dun wanna eat,i just dun have the appetite to eat.And tats also wrong?I have never raised my voice at my mum but i'm almost at the breaking point.I already have lots of things on my mind.She should be happy that i'm at home and not outside beating people up or getting into trouble.And of course,she also bickers at me about my daughter.They said it was okay with them when i said i wanted to lead my normal life and be with yani.And now she's bickering at me cause she doesnt get to see her often and has to pay her duit nafkah.Just dun pay it then.I don't bloody care if i'll get imprisoned.I don't even know if that's my daughter.SHe has no facial features that resembles me.Fuck life. And i miss my princess soo much :'(.

Missing my baby bushuk

2008-12-13T08:08:00.003+08:00

I fucking miss her!!!!!! Its has been 3 or 4 days since i last heard her voice and to me,its like going through hell over and over again.It will kill me i swear.I miss the old times where i get to tag at her blog freely,whenever i want and wadever i want but now i cant.I would tag and she would tag back while we are on the phone talking.I miss those times :( .I don't even know if she knows wad i'm going through right now.She texted me yesterday but i have a feeling that she doesnt want me to text her back as she is at her brother's place.It's good to know that she is having fun and relaxing alot.I'm trying to have fun myself but it is soo hard for me.I can't even leave the room without thinking of her.Okay,"n" lvl results will be out soon and i'm fucking scared.Y u might ask? well,honestly,i'm not scared of failure but the teachers at Mercu have high expectations of me even those that doesnt teach me for example Mr Hamdan.I dun blame them tho as i have been consistently scoring high marks for the tests is school and they expect me to achieve better grades.But wad grade is better than A1 cause that is wad i have scoring for the tests in school.For people that knows me well,they will know that i do not like to let other people down.The thing is,i'll be taking the results alone.Wad if i dissappoint them? I'll be very upset then and there's no one to cheer me up.I was hoping she would be there to cheer me up cause she is the only 1 that can really cheer me up.Enough said about "n" lvls. Me and sidah chatted yesterday and we were talking about opening a club or a pub.That is not my area at all.I mean i have the connections but not with the government.As for sidah,she is worried that the crowd will not come in.And i am worried as i don't even know how and where do we get the liecense to open up a legal club.lol.As capital wise,sidah has savings.I know she does.She used to earn more than 5k per month,kinda impossible she doesnt have savings right? and her dad left her money and so has her grandfather.She is good on capital wise.Sigh.We talk about that when we have time k sis? And baby,i hope u have fun tonight.I might be going to zouk-out tonight.But its not confirmed.Most probably not cause i cant even picture myself leaving the house much more going to zouk-out.I love u baby and will always do no matter what happens.

Missing my baby bushuk

2008-12-12T16:28:00.003+08:00

arghhhh....fucking miss her soo god damn much!!!!! i wish that she could just text me once...just once :( ....she is going over to her bro's place today...hope she has fun there like she always does... okay..random post -.-

Missing my baby bushuk

Wad i'm feeling

2008-12-12T11:27:00.003+08:00

It's been so long that

I haven't seen your face

Im tryna be strong

But the strength I have is washing away

It wont be long before i get you by my side

And just hold you, tease you, squeeze you till

I was fill all my mind

I wanna make up right now now now

Wish we never broke up right now now now

we need to link up right now now now

I wanna make up right now now now

Wish we never broke up right now now now

we need to link up right now now now

Girl I know mistake were made between us two

And we show our eyes that now even says somethings weren't true

watch you go and haven't seen my girl since then

why can it be the way it was

cuz you were my homie lover friend

I wanna make up right now now now

Wish we never broke up right now now now

we need to link up right now now now

I wanna make up right now now now

Wish we never broke up right now now now

we need to link up right now now now

I can't lie

I miss you much

Watching everyday that goes by

I miss you much

Tell i get you back

Im gone try

I miss you much

coz you are the apple in my eye

Girl I miss you much

I miss you much

I can't lie

I miss you much

Watching everyday that goes by

I miss you much

Tell i get you back

I m gonna try

I miss you much

You are the apple in my eye

I miss you much

I wanna make up right now now now

Wish we never broke up right now now now

we need to link up right now now now

I wanna make up right now now now

Wish we never broke up right now now now

we need to link up right now now now

I want you to fly with me

want you to fly

I miss how you lie with me

miss I how you lie jus

wish you could dine with me

wish you could dine

the one that'll grind with me with me

said the one that'll grind with me

I want you to fly with me

want you to fly

I miss how you lie with me

miss I how you lie

I wish you could dine with me

wish you could dine

the one that'll grind with me with me

said the one that'll grind with me

I wanna make up right now now now

Wish we never broke up right now now now

we need to link up right now now now

I wanna make up right now now now

Wish we never broke up right now now now

we need to link up right now now now

Random I Guess?

2008-12-12T08:43:00.003+08:00

It's 8:45 a.m now and i have not slept a wink for the past 2 days or more.I can't even keep track of the days.I miss hearing her voice soo much :( .Everytime minute goes by without me not thinking of her.Went out at about 3 a.m for a little walk at the connector but ended up jogging 3 laps of it and did some exercises at the fitness corner.Reached home feeling tired and exhausted so i thought after a good bathe i could have a good sleep.I thought wrong.Argggghh!! I hate this.I hate my life.I hate me.I feel like i wanna end it all.Drown my feelings with drinks but i had already promised her,i didnt drink anymore.It is not easy as it is a habit of me to drink whenever i feel down or upset or both.Sigh.My mum is starting to bitch at me now.My cousin just called asking me if i still wanted to go to zouk out as i have already paid him for the ticket.If not,he'll just sell the ticket to his friend.I really don't know if i am going so i told him i'll confirm with him by tomorrow evening.I soo miss her!!!!! arghh!!!!! She means the whole world to me.She is my light,my everything.

Missing my baby bushuk alot :(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2008-12-11T16:53:00.003+08:00

Heya people! It's afew minutes to 5 p.m and i'm bored and like literally have been staying in my room for the past day or so.Only time i went out of my room is to get cigarettes and water.I dun even feel like eating anymore.So wad did i do? I just lazed around in bed,reading my artemis fowl books,listen to the radio and lifting weights.Have not slept for the past 2 days.It just doesnt seem right.Things i go through for that someone's happiness eh? Khai,Qayyum and abg amy asked me to go out but i declined.Haiz.I got a feeling that she went clubbing either yesterday,today or on both.Well i hope she is enjoying herself with her friends and guys.How do i know? I must say a pure love instincts is like always correct.But not always tho.Missing her like crazy but there's nothing i can do.Perhaps this is how life is.Oh well,year 2009 is just round the corner.I'm soo getting ready for the shit's it's going to throw at me.Until next time.

Missing my baby bushuk

Reality Check Bam-Bam..Wake up!

2008-12-10T16:09:00.003+08:00

Harlo people.I'm so bored with nothing to do.It's 4:10 p.m atm and i still have not slept.Has just been lazing around in bed doing nothing since ermm 2 a.m? Yea,life is fucked up.Really is different without her texting me eventho it is just telling me that she has just woke up.But it makes my day and puts a smile on my face.Not gonna get that anymore.Back to misery i guess.But it's not like i have not been tru it before right? 8 days left till my results are out.Looks like i'll be taking them alone.No one to share my joy nor sorrows with.The promise she made to follow me to take the results will have to be buried.Sometimes i think to myself,Am i an idiot or am i a bloody fool? If i have done things myself,would things turn out this way? Am i regretting taking people's advice? Truth is i don't know.This is the 1st time i'm following people's advice as i am the kind that usually think for myself and make my own decisions.Sometimes i wonder to myself,are promises ment to be broken? or are they ment to be kept?Enouf of following people's advice and time to make my own.Since she wants out,i'll let her be.But i will always love her.Forever.

Missing my baby bushuk

Life is a fucker cause in the end it fucks us all

2008-12-07T21:33:00.003+08:00

Heya people! been awhile since i last updated,No.Ages since i did.lol.Anyways there's nothing much to blog about that is why i didnt.Same old boring shit happening and no point in me updating.These past few weeks the only fun thing was when i went out with qayyum and her to play bowling at e-hub.Haikal came late and joined us in pool.After playing pool,we walked around for abit and went to eat at express coffeeshop at central.Had a few laughs here and there because of haikal's stupidity and his gangsterism questions.lol.Headed home after that.Kinda sad tho,she can spend the whole day from morning with her friend but only spend a few hrs with me.These past few days,i have been neglected,ignored and not listened to.But yea,why does it matter right? she's not my gf anymore.Anyways,can't blog much now,received a call from arip and he got problem with budak2 tanglin halt around his area and me and abul are going down there.Sigh,if only i still have my rotito.Oh well,bare hands will work i guess.But only if there's no other way out.I need to get ready now.Until next time!

Missing my baby bushuk

Fuck Life

2008-11-18T19:30:00.004+08:00

Heya people.Not really in the mood to blog today.Just thought of updating on wad happened today.Feeling really down even before i started my day which made me not able to work properly.I find it realli unfair that she is going to zouk out with her friend instead of me.I asked her first but in the end,she decided to go with her friend.All my plans of surprising her with the tickets on our planned outing was destroyed at that instant.So i'm just gonna go ahead and cancel the outing as well.No point if u ask me.Hope she has fun at zouk out while i rot alone at home as usual.Nothing new for me there.This saturday i'm gonna accompany hamry to drink and i'll take it as an opportunity to drown all my sorrows.At work today,i made alot of mistakes and again,abul took the blame for me.Man,i feel soo fucked up.Finished work and headed home with abul.Stopped at afghan to rekki teh tarik and we saw some mat reps.Planning tomorrow at work when we gonna do it.Headed straight home after that and here i am.Nothing more to say.Until next time.

Missing my baby bushuk

Decisions Decisions

2008-11-17T22:50:00.003+08:00

First and foremost,i'd like to apologise for not blogging for a few days.Really am.I have been busy with work and activities and don't even have the mood to blog.Yesterday,i had my up's and down's but i'm kinda reliefed that i have let out everything to baby bushuk about what i have been feeling all this time.Was not easy but i managed to do so.Not that it will change things but at least i got it out.But i'll keep hoping that things will improve but to be honest,it looks grim.My motto has changed in life.I'm not gonna be the good guy anymore.Why u might ask? What do i get by being the good guy?Isn't it better to be the way i was before? but since baby hates my old self,i'm gonna make some changes.i won't fight unless it comes to me but i made it clear that there are 2 persons that i wanna have a piece of my mind with.Want them to know they are messing with the wrong person.Taufiq is 1 of them and i'm sure u guys know why.It is true that people say "Tepok sebelah tangan tak bunyi".I absolutely agree with that.But,Here's another saying that i find it meaningful "Kalau takde orang firestart,takkan jadi".And of course the second person will be arif ayam.Aku tak setanding dgn kau? Kau tak ingat bile dulu aku sebat kau sorang2 kau sampai mintak ampun ngan aku?Haha.Kau ngan 20+ orang makan aku sorang boleh lah.Letak anak gajah pon anak gajah mati.And now thx to baby,i know where he werk and anytime,anytime at all,he will be done.U want to play shit? I'll play shit.Bam has relek and u took advantage.Want you to know that a sleeping tiger is not to be disturbed.As for today,I was happy that i thought i will be meeting baby after work but sadly,things changed and she is sleeping right now.Sigh.Oh well,life's like that.Until next time!

Missing my baby bushuk

Insomnia

2008-11-13T22:52:00.003+08:00

Can't fucking sleep!!!!! ARGH!!! Missing her too much and my arm is fucking aching.Oh well,i'll live through it.I want my strength back.I wanna be able to deliver those knock-out punches like i've used to that's y i started lifting weights again and punching walls.It takes time but i know it will come and when it does,the old Bam will be back.Dunno wad else to blog about now lol.Until next time!

Missing my baby bushuk

Grrr...I'm doing this because of you FAU

2008-11-12T20:43:00.003+08:00

Rules & Regulations:

1. Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.

2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.

3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.

4. No tags backs!

Here goes nothing......*Holds Breath*

1)Sounds weird but i trained my punch by punching the wall minimum 20 per day when i am free.(not soo hard tho)

2)Biting my nails.

3)I have a habit of smiling even tho i am feeling real shitty or sad inside and only 2 person in this world can see through this.Yani and Faiz Cine.

4)Whoever laughs at this,i'm fucking taking their head off.I dare to cry for my loved ones and even die for them.

5) Roaches.Should i even say y i'm scared of those little things?

6)I have a habit of drinking alone whenever i am sad or down and feeling useless.

7)My hair is much more precious than my wallet.Haha.

8)I am extremely vulgar.*winks*

9)As bad as i may look on the outside,I'm soft on the inside.

10)I LOVE BEER!!!!

And now i get to tag those few people that i know that have blogs.

And they are:

Didi and Riz

Heya people.I'll recap on wad i did today.Was suppose to go to werk but i went to her place in the morning instead.I just can't bear not being with her and will do anything just to be with her.Spent some time together and made my move to work and 11.Reported in half-day and got a scolding from my supervisor.lol.At work,i had to do hard-seal.I hated those.Pricked my finger like 8 times today.Those dumb metals.No overtime for me today but i'll be working overtime tomorrow,friday and on saturday.Got off work at 5:45 and headed off home.Took a detour to afghan to buy ciggies den proceeded on home alone.Abul went to simei to take a "war" vcd from arif.Rained heavily while walking home and was fucking freezing even tho i'm wearing a sweater.reached home at about 7:30 and covered myself for awhile in my blaket.How i wish that we was here and we can cuddle up.We love to do this when we were together.Sigh.Memories flashed back while in bed.Now,i'm just waiting for her to wake up and give me a call before i fall asleep.Until next time folks.

Missing my baby bushuk

Life Is A Gamble,Sex Is A Game

2008-11-09T20:56:00.003+08:00

Heya people.Sorry for not updating for a few days.Have been really busy with work and life.These past few days i was sick and still pushed on to go to work.And also,I have been feeling down due to some circumstances.Made up my mind that i will nvr get attached to any other girl besides her.If it doesn't happen,oh well,i'm used to being treated like dirt as always.And it it does happens to me in that way,I guess i'll go back to my fanatic days.Like the title of my post for today says,"Life is a gamble" and yes,i am going to take this gamble.I will have enough of being the good guy and gets spits back.There is a limit to everyone's patience.I was just about getting used to people calling me ayie instead of bam cause i thought that name will be long forgotten since i've found her.Due to some incident's,the "bam" in me is starting to show.Take saturday for example.At work,i was just minding my own business doing my work sitting down at the place where i used to sit.Then this technician comes along and asked me to move in a rude manner.I simply ignored him.He then shouted at me.I blew my top and fucked him back in front of my supervisor.He could have just asked nicely.I told him at lunchtime he is dead(in malay since he is a malaysian).Abul pulled me away and my supervisor pulled the technician away.The technician got a mouthful from my supervisor and was asked to apologised to me.I just ignored that and said that he is still not safe(again in malay).Now i am starting to remember why i am carefree in my fanatic days.I don't give a heck about anyone and live my life be it girls or guys.Yes,bam has a reputation which i have long since siezed the name but now,i am reconsidering up living up to the name again.Upon finished working,i headed home and in the bus home,she messaged me.I missed her and wanted to meet her but she dun want me to send her off to town.Puzzled me cause if she is telling the truth that its only girls over there,i don't think me sending her off will do any harm am i right? Meh,i just headed on home and do my own things after texting her that i wun disturb her anymore from now onwards.If she cares for me,she would at least call me and asked wad i mean.But sadly,no.Made up my mind and decision if she wants to meet me,tell me and i will.No point if i told her that i wanna meet her when i get turned down every single time.Not in the mood to blog nemore.Until next time.

I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right'
Cause I'm drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side

Chorus

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine'
Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

Verse

Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And that you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight

Chorus

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine'
Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

** Guitar Break **
(Mariah Harmonizes with guitar)

Chorus

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine'
Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
Give my all for your love
Tonight

Missing my baby bushuk terribly

A Day Out

2008-11-04T00:18:00.003+08:00

Heya people.Been a fun day for me today.Woke up late for work and decided to take m.c.But before doing so,i accompanied abul to pay for his school fee's at I.T.E simei.Sadly,he was late to make the payment and can't be enrolled.He talked to the in-charge and he said that he will give abul a call by end of today.Hopefully he gets to be slotted in*crosses fingers*.After that,we went to tamp for breakfast and i went to Tamp poly for my m.c while he heads off to work.While waiting for my medicine,Arif(a work friend) popped up.He too woke up late for work and took an m.c lol!.After collecting our med's,we walked to afghan and chatted along the way.Once reached,we ate and he accompanied me while i wait for her at her void deck.She came down in less than 10 mins and arif took off.Took a cab to bedok north secondary afraid that she will be late for her exams.Reached abit early and slacked outside for awhile.I was gonna wait for her till her paper ends which means 1 and half hr of waiting outside.Good thing,called ryhana down and she accompanied me till about 2:45 until she has to go off.Had a good chat with her since it has been awhile that we have not met.Shocked that she did not take her "n" lvl's examinations as she was hospitalised.3:30 came soo long and i'm starting to miss her bad.3:30 came and there she was standing outside the school like a princess.Waited for the guys and we ate and drank(just a bottle) at the coffee shop nearby.We all then headed on to kembangan to play dota.But baby didnt wanna play so i booked her in at the hotel while i joined the guys for 1 game and headed back to the hotel where she was waiting for.Was such a nice feeling just to be with her.No interruptions what so ever.I simply love it.Booked out at 9 p.m and headed to kampong chai chee to eat.Soon after we headed home but she doesn't want me to send her home in fear that her brother will see us together.Sigh.Reached home and did some business and called her straight away and chatted with her on the phone.After like 45 mins of talking and laughing on the phone,i got on the comp to blog(like wad i'm doing now) while she plays her nintendo d.s.That's wad i did today.God i love being with her soo much.If only there wasn't any inteference :(.That's all for today folks! Until next time.

Missing my baby bushuk

extras

2008-11-03T00:33:00.004+08:00

The pics are taken yesterday.1st pic was taken in the hotel yesterday with her.Second pic was taken at teh tarik while waiting for our food to arrive and before going to dxo.last pic was taken by her when i was waiting for her to get her hair done.

Life

2008-11-02T18:41:00.003+08:00

Heya people.It's 6:45 p.m atm and i just woke up about 6 p.m just now lol.Recap on what i did yesterday.Went out at about 3 p.m and fetch her at North Park bus stop and headed off to my cousin's tunang.Stayed there till like 4:45 and we went off to parkway.Walked around and bought her a belt cause she forgot to bring 1 and her jeans are slipping.Was a nice feeling just being with her.We then went and played pool and i taught her how to play it.She won,cause i let her win and misses cue on purpose so that she can learn and get her confidence up.After that accompanied her to do her hair and we walked around aimlessly after that.We then headed to hotel 81 at kembangan as i need to rest.Booked out at about 10 p.m and headed down to tamp where i went home and changed and went to eat with her.Sent her off to eliana's crib as she,eliana and qash are going to clarke quey where as i am going to dxo. Hailed a cab down to dxo and met up with my cousin there.Outside dxo before we entered,my cousin gave me a pill(ikan) which i turned down saying not the time.Upon entering,There's is like 15 people of my cousin's friends and like 4 bottles of vodka.My cousin and i drank neat and he challenged me who can drink the most.within a few mins,1 bottle is downed.I then headed outside for a smoke.Came back in and there was more than 5 bottles on the table -.- .Pain striking me like crazy but i just ignored it.This time,me and cousin drank like 2 bottle but luckily for me,it was not neat.Went outside for another smoke and my cousin came out smiling at me.I asked what? and he said.i'll know it when it hits me.I was like "?".Went in again and kept drinking like nobody's business as there seems to be more and more bottles instead of less.How i wish that she was here to drink with me.And with that thought,i drank even more.Next thing i knew i was dancing alone on the dancefloor.Felt tired but energetic.Realli strange.Then a thought hit me and i gave my cousin that look and he laughed -.- .Kept drinking and drinking and the next thing i knew,i was at home lying at the sofa.I didnt know who sent me home and wad time i got home.Having a very bad hangover atm and have like no appetite to eat.Missing her soo much and waiting for her to call me which i know will nvr happen.Hope she had fun yesterday.Until next time.

Missing my baby bushuk

Fucked Up!!!!!

2008-10-31T23:34:00.003+08:00

Heya people.It's 11:35 p.m atm.Time to recap on what i did today.Started my day with going to work as usual.Ended early tho.Asked for half-day as i thought i wanted to accompany her to do her hair,nails and stuff but to my dissapointment,she has already done those and wad's more,when i got off werk,she was sleeping.Sigh.Went to meet my siblings at Century Sq and walked around for abit den deciding to go home.Upon reaching home,called her and talked for some time den went off to abg dzul's wedding.The set-up was amazing.At about 8 p.m,the ceremony began.Quite boring for me as i have been tru the whole ritual thing.It was like "been there,done that".But after seeing abg dzul's smile and kak zila's smile just struck my heart to see how happy they were/Sigh.If only that was me and her.Was heartbreaking for me to stay on and see all those soo i took off alone without my sister knowing.Sigh.Just wadever did i do wrong in my past life to deserve this.Tomorrow i'll be going to work cause i need to collect my pay as abul said but i dun wanna werk tomorrow cause i cant.Even if i have to,i'll take half day again cause i need to attend my cousin's engagement.She said she is going to come but i wun hold my breath cause tonight she is out partying and will obviously be home drunk and wasted.Not even going to think of what she will be doing there.That's all i have to say for now.Until next time!

Missing my baby bushuk forever

Confusion

2008-10-30T22:50:00.003+08:00

heya peeps.Nothing to do so i decided to blog even tho it's a boring day for me today.Went to werk today but decided to come in late so i sent her to bedok north for her exams.Reached werk and got the tiring task of being the packer for the second time.Finished at 5:45 and headed home.On my way home,started to think about things.About me and her.The more i think about it,the more i feel used.sigh.gonna end here.Until next time.

Missing my baby bushuk

My Contamination

2008-10-29T01:18:00.003+08:00

Heya ppl! Sorry for not updating for the weekend.Had stuffs to do.Well,time to recap on what happens.Let's start with saturday.Hmmm,trying to remember what i did on saturday.Oh yes,did nothing at home just listening to songs and met up with khairul and indra and we went to play counter-strike.I said i didnt know how to play and they say they are gonna teach me but ahem,i still got my touch :D .Indra said "Banyak kao peh tak tau main.Bagos sak kao." lol.literally trashed them to pieces :D .Den went home at about 6 a.m and got on the comp again but was lazy to update :P .On sunday,sigh.I finally managed to meet her.Conquering my fears to meet her and she turned up at my place.But sadly,she went off at about 11:45 to meet her frens even tho she was sick.I tried to convince her to either go home or stay at my place to rest but being the yani that i thought i once knew,she went ahead with her plans to meet her frens.After sending her off,i headed down to changi beach where khai,sidah,abul and lan was there fishing.I didn't bring my stuffs along cause i dun feel like fishing anymore when she is not with me.Sigh,it realli feels different in everything i do without her beside me.And i mean everything.Upon reaching there,they have onli managed to catch 1 catfish.Went to eat even tho i have no appetite but was forced by sidah.When eating,abul played the song "with you" by chris brown.Stopped eating immediately and my eyes swelled with tears.Sidah and khai scolded abul and quickly changed the song.After that,i have no mood to entertain them and just stared at the sea,picturing how wonderful it is to be here with her.So peaceful and serene.Can't take anymore and went into the tent for a rest in which i fell asleep.When i woke up,it was already bright.Asked khairul to accompany me to the toilet.Halfway when walking there,the pain struck again and left me seated at the ground.Beared with it while khai carried my to the toilet and asked me to go have a check-up.I simply told him,if i am to go,i will go no matter wad medicine's i am supposed to take.He started to nag and i just said to respect my decision and he kept quiet.Went back to the tent and went back to rest.Packed up our things at about 11:30 a.m and off we went home.Slept for like 3 hrs and den i woke up with nothing to do and no one to talk to.Decided to send my daughter to yishun.Upon reaching,The grandparents threw their faces when they saw me and i just walked off.Messaged with her while on the way home.A part of me wanted to see her again and she came over to my house.Can't help but stare at her and stroking her hair,things that i missed doing.Sigh.We fell asleep till like 4:30 a.m and she went home.I stayed up watching t.v and got ready for werk.After werk met up with her at vivo city and went home with her.These past 3 days has been a rollercoaster of my feelings.Sad and happy at the same time.Sad that we are onli friends but happy that i get to see her and spend some time with her.Wanted to take her along to my cousin's engagement on saturday and my sister's friend wedding on the same day.She said she'll give me the confirmation by friday.Really wished she can be there.There's still more for me to talk about but i dunno how to let it out and she wants me to hurry up and finish blogging cause she wants to read.So,until next time!

Missing my baby bushuk

2008-10-26T02:06:00.003+08:00

Heya people.Most boring day today.Did nothing much cept for on the comp and watch tv.Chatted with her on msn in the noon.Broke my heart to know that she is sick and how i wish that i can be there for her and take care of her cause tat's something i would do.A tear rolled down.She said she tried calling me in the morning but a chinese guy picked up the phone.I asked y did she call me and she said she is soo sick she doesn't know who else to call.Sigh,but wad can i do even if she managed to call me? i can't go over to her house after wad happened and my mum was home today and even if my mum wasn't home,she had already said she will not step foot in my house again.And she said she wished she can lie on my bed with me taking care of her.Went out for drinks and when i came back,my parents are going out to eat so i joined them.In the cab,my dad asked whether i'm still together with her.I just said i dunno.Went to eat at changi and came back home after.Got on the comp again listening to songs and doing nothing much.Going out tomorrow to a primary school's mate wedding at pasir ris.Will be at Primary School Reunion.Hope that will take my mind off things for abit.Happy to know that Fazila(godzilla is wad i used to call her and she would chase me around the school for that) is getting married.And Riz,glad that ur parents have accepted ur bf despite his age and having a daughter that is 12 yrs old.Realli happy for u.So it's 2 more yrs before u get married.Hope you are prepared aite?Nothing much to talk now and will be meeting khairul later on to slack.Until next time.

Missing my baby bushuk

2008-10-25T02:01:00.003+08:00

Selasih ku siram

Di dalam jambangan semakin longlai

Kaseh ku tanam kering layu terkulai

Apakah itu pertanda...

Apalah dosa

Khilaf bicara cetus bara sengketa

Seribu nista pasti cemari noda

Retak kaseh pun bermula

Rasa cinta berubah hilang kasih setia

Dilambung ombak yang menggila

Maraklah api di hati menjadi benci

Dendam yang menbara...

( 1 )

Apakah ini satu jalan penyelesaian

Atau suatu keputusan

Haruskah perpisahan jadi penentu

Jangan engkau terburu...

( korus )

Apa... kau rela

Robohkan istana syurga yang kita bena...

Apa... kau rela

Menghadapi derita perpisahan ini

Namun hakikat

Yang terjadi hanyalah kekhilafan

Sikap yang keterlaluan

Hilang pertimbangan

Terrible day today at werk,can't get my mind off some things.Made alot of mistakes and the Q.C was mad but Abul took the rap for me.Sigh,sorry abul.Not once but 3 times today he took the rap for the mistakes that i did.Wad's on my mind?Well,a good friend of mine dissapointed me by invading my personal life privacy.Not angry with him cause i know he ment well but wad he did was too much for me to take.It's like,yes,i do talk to people i'm close with about my problems but i dun want any of them to be involved in it and let me settle them on my own.And khai,u dissapointed me big time.Let's say u had a fight with ur father and u talked to me,how would u feel if i called up ur father and started scolding ur father?How would that make u feel?I'm not angry at u khai but u know i love her.So i thought of making her mad at me so she will not think about me and she will be happy so i can just be like the malay saying "tumpang gembira" even it hurts inside.But,i cant bring myself to do it.Went to it halfway and chickened out.I'm going out for drinks now.And i'm thinking of restricting my blog so that she can be totally happy with me out of her life.Since she believes soo much in fate,den all the more.If we are fated to meet then we will.I'm not a believer of fate/karma and all these nonsence.I went through soo much in life to know wad IS life.And in life,you dun let fate handle stuff.You werk hard for them.Example:If ur fated to do well in ur exams,I dare u to leave ur examinations questions blank and let fate do the job.Another example:If people are fated to get married,divorce will be an unknown word and u'll be married the moment you are born.Sounds stupid? Think of it properly.You will know wad i mean.Until next time.

Missing my baby bushuk

Drinks

2008-10-24T03:09:00.003+08:00

Hey people.Not in the mood to blog like yesterday so i'll just give a brief.Went to work and pulled it off with things on my mind.Wanted to do O.T but today's O.T was until 11 p.m so i decided not to.Got home and got on comp.Went out to meet her and settled things out even tho its not wad i wanted.Drank while talking and pain striking me but i tink i didnt show it to her but she will know once she reads this.Not gonna say wad i realli wanted and not gonna reveal it to anyone.It's just gonna be in me.Still hoping*sigh*.Gonna go back out to have more drinks alone and now i've decided not to get checked for my condition.Until next time.

Missing my baby bushuk

:"(

2008-10-23T00:23:00.005+08:00

Hey people.I'm not realli in the mood today to blog.Above are some random pics taken by khairul.I'll run a brief about the pics and wad happened today and yesterday.1st pic was taken at pasir ris park.Look at how happy i am with her.2nd pic was taken at the end of our school's camp.And she was the one who snapped the photo.3rd and 4th pic was taken at abg amy's house with me,khairul and endang rahayu.I may look happy but my eyes says everything.The pants and shirt was chosen by her as well.Yesterday,i came back from werk exhausted and tired and got on the comp.Then me and her talked on msn and facebook.She said she still have that little feeling for me and misses me and wanted to meet me.I wanted to meet her too but declined as i was afraid tears would come flowing down upon seeing her.I went out to ease my mind by drinking,again.Pain killing me but i completely ignored it with the words that she said running tru my mind.I didnt sleep and went straight to work in the morning.Can't concentrate on my job but i pulled it off and went home.Met up with khairul to slack until the person who i slapped yesterday night walked past us and he was calling someone to come down and walked away.Didn't feel right so we went home and here i am.The words still running tru my mind.i'll just end here.Until next time.

Menggigil tubuh ini

Melihat kau bersamanya

Tergamam aku tak terkata

Meraung di jiwa

Puas ku pertahankan

Cinta kita sejak dulu

Tapi sayang,Sikit pun tidak

Menghargai cintaku

( korus )

Sia-sia saja

Pengorbanan dan kesetiaanku ini

Ku sangka kau permata

Rupanya duri paling berbisa

Ku pasrah dan berdoa

Semoga tabah jiwaku

Oh... tetapi bagaimana

Nak ku lawan

Jiwa yang siksa

Ke mana arah hendak ku tuju

Bila hatiku rindu padamu

Hendakku cari tapi tak guna

Kau bahagia dengan si dia

Dikamar sepi aku termenung

Terbayang bayang kenangan kita

Tidak ku sangka kau

Tergamak pergi

Saat ku masih perlukan mu

( ulang korus )

Ah...ah...ah...

Meraung di jiwa

Apalah daya kiranya

Orang dah benci

Ah...ah...ah...

Meraung di jiwa

Tapi tak pernah ku benci

Dirimu sayang

Missing my baby bushuk

A Typical Day In My Life

2008-10-22T00:57:00.004+08:00

Hey guys! sorry for not updating yesterday.I need the sleep as i started werk today.Got a job at tannery lane as production operator.And guess wad,i started to get rid of my tattoos.Starting with the one on my wrist.While werking,me and abul talked about wad we are going to do in life.I just said i dunno.For him,he already has plans.And of course,with him,we will always talk about gangsters.He already left Stormerz.And there's 1 gang that he wanna join since he was 18 but nvr really thought of the possibilities.To my surprise,it's the same gang that i decided i would join after leaving Siow.He asked"kalau aku ikot,kao ikot tak bam?" i just said i'll think about it.And i honestly told him that in my life,I onli have the jiwe to join 2 gang's.1 of them i have already been in b4 and the remaining 1 that we both have the same interests in.And abul,i want you to know that i will realli think about it.Bila-bila agemo!We had to werk overtime today till 9 and so after finish werking,we decided to slack at north park for awhile.Then abul decided to alight at afghan and walk to north park.Whiile walking,as u guys might have expected,memories came flashing back.Holded back my tears and walked along.Bumped into baby semangke under yani's void deck.He is slacking there with wak kang and another guy that i dunno who.Chatted for awhile and them proceeded to north park.Lepak at pondok den we got bored and decided to go buai-buai ninja to look for members.At the steps,a group of boys were sitting there and refused to give way to us to walk.We just ignored them not wanting to start a fight and forced our way through.As we were walking they shouted "oi!".We ignored and moved again.And again they shouted.Instincttively,both of us turned aroud and approached them.Abul asked who was the one that shouted and a guy raised his hand.Went up to him and slapped him.I was like "wtf?"."not a good timing boy,i'm already feeling down because of the memories and ur doing this kinda shit? ur asking for it" He was stunned and was quiet for awhile.I was about to pounce on him when abul pulled me away saying "sudah bam,masih budak lagi". I just shouted "tempat kau dudok nie budak north park yg pegang.Kalau kao nak tahu aku sape,kao gi tanye budak2 yang dudok sini bam sape.Jgn sampai aku bikin kao mati".He looked down and both of us walked off.Reached buai-buai ninja and saw no one was there so we talked abit.We planned on wad we are going to do with our 1st pay.The 1st thing that came on my mind was the promise i made to her to get a motorcycle licence and she would be the 1st pillan.But the 1st pillan thing aint gonna happen so i'm just gonna get that licence whereas the rest i'll be saving incase i decided to get warded for my condition.After like 30 mins,i was feeling tired and went home.Got on msn to do some stuff on facebook(like i always do to kill time) and chatted with ernie on msn.Then she pmed me on msn.Not gonna go into the details as it hurts while i'm blogging atm.Now i can't sleep and i have to get ready at 6 in the morning and it's already almost 2 a.m.Oh well,That's just me.Until next time!

Missing my baby bushuk

Welcome To My Life

2008-10-20T04:53:00.003+08:00

Heya people! Today have been the most boring day for me.Woke up at 1 p.m and cant decide on what to do so i went out to Tampines Mall wandering alone.I somehow got my nose pierced :P .Got it pierced at Yellow in Century Sq.Was the shop that me and her decided if she ever wanted to get her nose pieced,that would be the shop and i would be beside her piercing too.Got my nose pierced 4 times already ahaha.It's no biggie for me :D .Arrived home at about 4 p.m and got on the net watching videos on youtube.Then at 7 p.m,watched Mr and Mrs smith on tv.After watching,went out to meet abul and slacked around till like 1 a.m den came home and got on the net again.Got bored and watched some movies like meet the parents,alot like love and the notebook.So here i am now just wasting my time and life away -.- .Until next time!

Missing my baby bushuk as always

High?

2008-10-19T05:22:00.003+08:00

Hey guys! I'm back from ktv.Very very high atm.I thought i could have fun there and forget about her but i thought wrong.Well i was having fun drinking that's for sure and my word,the hostess there can realli drink! Hats off to you girls.Anyways when i reached there,i was ushered in by abg amy and the 1st hostess he called in had a resemblence like her.I asked to change and abg amy did.In came nina.Ang kong siow!!! Ahahaha.We were having fun drinking and singing then nina sang the song Ringgit berjuta.I was dumbfounded.It was her favourite song.Composed myself and started drinking like hell.Pain striking my abdominal area and other parts but i ignored it and kept on drinking.I was on the verge of crying from the pain but kept on drinking.It's the only way for me.I think i have become addicted to it.This nina wanted to give me her cell number but i declined.After we left the ktv,abg amy scolded me and asked to get her out of my head.I can't abg amy.Not that i'm not trying,but i really can't.Hailed a cab and went home.The pain is realli unbearable now.And haikal,the thing we talked about earlier b4 i went to ktv,keep it to urself.The guys can know about my condition but dun let her know about it ok?If i am to get warded,i'll let qayyum or hasib know about it k? Anyways,i'm gonna go to bed now.Until next time!

Missing my baby bushuk

Truth Hurts

2008-10-18T13:40:00.007+08:00

And don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not

Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show

Really had me going

But now it's time to goCurtain's finally closing

That was quite a show...

Very entertaining

But it's over now

Go on and take a bow

Ohh...

And the award for, the best liar goes to you

For making me believe that you could be

Faithful to me

Let's hear your speech ohh

Hey guys! I'm feeling abit better today and will be going out later today.Recap on wad happened the past days.Went out yesterday at about 3 to C.G.H to see my uncle who is involved in an accident.Went alone as my parents and siblings have already went in the morning.When i arrived there,all of my aunts and uncles are there.My poor uncle.Got stiches all over his face and liver is damaged,and cheekbone fractured(ouch!).Now he needs a liver donor.While my aunt and uncles were discussing about who to donate part of the liver,they looked at me.I replied i cant cause my liver is affected and if it's not i would not hesitate to donate it.Then they said,precisely,u need to get warded and see wad the doctor say about my condition.Seeing my uncle in pain on the bed.Heck no! If i am to die,i'd rather die than go through that shit.Afew minutes later,my cousin(my uncle's son who has been in and out of prison) arrived.He decided to donate his liver.He's a changed person now.No more going to clubs,no more drinking,no more gangsters.He is tired of that shit.He came wearing bermudas,T-shirt and specs.Realli decent looking.Not realli the kind of guy you would expect to go in and out of prisons for gang fights and riots.Me and him talked for abit and asked y did i drink soo much.I juz kept quiet as i did not want him to know the real reason.Mind you,my cousin has a huge reputation and i dun want him to know i'm torturing myself over a girl.Then one of my aunties asked,Where's your girlfriend? WOW? Great timing -.- .. I just said we broke off.Followed by an awkward silence.I broke the silence by saying i have to go as i'm meeting abg amy for a game of soccer at farrer park.Took off and went to bugis.Reached there but abg amy was late so i walked around.Should not have done that as when i walked around,memories of her and me came rushing back.Tears rolled down my cheeks.Wiped it off and continued walking around waiting for abg amy.When he arrived,we headed on to farrer park to play soccer with the likes of sani hussein,roslan and other artists.Man do they play rough.Towards the end of the match,the sharp prickling pain came.Went to the sidelines to wait it off but it nvr seem to go away.Had enouf of it so i took off my boots and started packing.Few minutes later,the game ended and abg amy came and packed too.We head off to bugis and walked around.Again tears rolled down my cheeks.Abg amy saw the tears and said,"kimak! kao ngan dia mcm mane2 kao pegi,ape2 kao buat semua ngan dia kape?!" i just nodded.Abg amy then said,"ok,nyari kao nangis,besok aku kasi kau lupe semua" I was like "?" besok malam,kol 11 jumpe pat umah abg amy.Pakai kasut and sachok2.In my mind,i thought he was gonna take to to club then i rethink that.Abg amy is not the clubbing type.Then a though hit me."Honeytrap kape?" abg amy smiled. Wohoo!!! I'm going to drink my heart out! Chivas and vodka on the house baby!!! Now its 2:30 p.m and i'm getting ready to go to the hospital to visit my uncle again after which i'll meet abg amy.I'll update more when i reach home.Until next time!

Missing my baby bushuk

2008-10-17T03:11:00.005+08:00

Some important memories from the pictures above.There's more but i have no energy and i can barely walk.Just mustered the strenght to get to the comp.This might be my last post after today.Too much shit happened to me.To the "o" lvl people of mercu private school,i wish u guys the best in your exams and i know monday will be your science paper.Just let me know if u need any help with chemistry as that is my strongest point.I can help with maths as long as it's not graphs as i suck at that.Give me a call and we'll arrange something if u ever need my help.Might be at my house cause cause i can barely walk,but if i'm better,we can study elsewhere.Dpending on the situation.Good luck u guys.

Missing my baby bushuk

Realisation

2008-10-15T08:00:00.001+08:00

Hey guys! It's 8 a.m right now and i juz got home.Feeling tired like hell.I went out today at about 7 p.m to meet up with khairul and went over to abg amy's house to slack and hang out with him and his lil sis,Endang(The star in the malay show BARA).Had a few laughs and den got tired of slacking at home so we went down to Al-Kadir.Met with an old friend of mine who used to work as a driver while i'm the assistant.He's the 1 that taught me how to drive! lol.Chit chatted for awhile and he has to go off.At about 11,Endang has to go off and meet her bf who's picking her up in his new car.So it's me,abg amy and khairul tat's left.We got bored and suddenly,khairul said lets go fishing.No hesitations were made and we went home to grab our fishing equipments.While packing the stuffs,i saw the fishing rod that i had bought for yani ;'-( . Tears rolled down my cheeks.Took a moment and then continued to pack my stuffs.Abg amy asked his friend to come along so its 4 of us.We agreed to meet under my block and we headed to the 24hr shop to buy snacks and stuffs.I had like 70 bucks left from the 700 i saved but used 40 to buy myself like 11 cans of heineken cause i know i will need them(Man,600 bucks gone on drinks?!?! My liver gonna fail anytime soon i swear).After buying all the stuffs,took a cab to changi staging ground.Set up our rods and started fishing.Within afew minutes,there was action all over the place.But,it realli feels different without her by my side,hearing those laughters,her nagging at me to help her and the most important,stroking her hair and kissing her forehead whenever she lies on me to rest.Thinking about that,i started drinking and drinking.Abg amy saw the look on my face and talked to me while khairul and abg amy's fren moved to a different location.The 1st thing he asked me,"kao betol-betol masih sayangkan yani eh?" I broke down immediately.Den he asked me,"Ape kao nak buat skarang?" i just said that i wanna make things right and clear my name and by getting the proof that we went to the hotel will be my last jigsaw puzzle.He then said,getting the proof is easy,but he asked whether am i sure that i wanna go with that cause all he needed to do was make 2 phonecalls and he can get me the video.Then i said yes.Next thing he said left me puzzled at 1st."kalau kao sayang kan dia,kao nak dia happy kan?" i nodded."Kalau kao kasi video tu pat lelaki tu,confirm dorang akan gaduh.Kau nak tengok pompan yang kao sayang merane?Kao sanggup?" I was stumped.He is right.I didnt think of that before.I was soo blinded by the fact that i wanna make things right that i didnt realise it will make her suffer."Aku bukan cakap yang ape kao buat ni salah,actually,ape kao buat nie betol.Tapi kalau kao sayang kan dia,pikir betol-betol." He is soo god damn right.I was feeling out of place but continued drinking.On my second last can,the piercing pain shot through my stomach and went on to my liver.Fuck it hurts like hell.After that pain,i can't walk properly and had to stumble around.Beared with the pain even tho it was agonising.By 7 a.m the pain was too much and khairul noticed.They stopped fishing,packed everything and called a cab and send me home so here i am,still in pain.Trying my best not to show it to my parents atm.Don't want them to be heart broken by me and would rather die then seeing them hurt.I am feeling scared now because usually the pain is on my stomach but now,it's starting to hurt my liver as well.Oh well,the world will be a better place with 1 less person like me on it.And yani,i would like to take this chance to apologise to you before anything happens to me.I want u to know that i realli love u and cant stop thinking of you.I want you to be happy from now onwards and i know by leaving me alone will make u happy so there's no need for you to tag back.Just know that when all is lost,there is someone out there besides your family that realli loves you.Be happy.Until next time if there is. Au revoir

Bam hearts yani forever

Missing baby bushuk

Soul Seeking

2008-10-14T06:53:00.000+08:00

Hey hey hey.It's 7 a.m and i just got home! lol.Wad did i do today.Hmmmm,nothing much actually.Woke up at about 2 p.m and got on the comp.Just chatted on msn with riz,ezul,boy,didi and some other peeps.At eleven p.m,khairul called and we met to slack around.Agreed to meet at 12:30 a.m and we did under her block,our usual meeting place.We then proceeded to meet abg amy and slacked at Al-Kadir and decided to chill at abg amy's place.Watched wujud 1 and boy it was god dang scary.After the show,we started talking about our past love and such.Den at about 3:30 a.m,abg amy's fiancee came over to chill with us.We then continued talking about "love".Shared my story with her and 1st thing she said,"Walaupun aku perempuan,malu sak aku nak mengaku diri aku pompan kalau ni mcm nye pompan wujud".Forget it Sof,girls will be girls.But of course,i got nagged at her cause i didnt show love cause that's like a need for all girls.*sigh* i agree.Tried to make it up to her but too bad.We chilled till 6:30 am and i headed off home and here i am.Gonne sleep now tho,my eyes can barely open.Until next time!

Missing my baby bushuk always

Long Lost Companion

2008-10-13T03:49:00.000+08:00

Hey hey hey.It's 3:51 a.m and i just got home.Man i'm tired.Time to recap on what i did today.Woke up at about 12 p.m and juz lazed around in bed.Got really bored after 2 hours and decided to go out.Took a shower,suited off and out i go,alone.Had no idea on where to go and what to do but somehow i ended up in somerset -.- .Took a stroll and juz being alone was my intention at that point of time.Smiled to myself of the memories tat flashed back.Looking at couples and smiled to myself.Crazy? I think i am.Kept on walking and walking and ended up at Plaza Sing.Again memories flashed back and i smiled to myself again.Starting to get dark and i thought i'll make my way home.Just as i boarded the train,my phone rang.It was abg amy.We met up at his place and chilled.Called hasib and Khairul and chilled at Al-Kadir.Talked about abg amy's ghost hunting experience in wujud 1 and wujud 2.Hasib got scared the shit out of him.lol.And this sunday,abg amy is going to pulau pinang and other places in jakarta to "Rekki" the place before putting the contestants there.He asked me to join along.I might.Even tho i'm not keen on hunting for these things,i'll go and take this opportunity to experience new things.Might be rewarding and also,might be the end of me *gulps*.Abg amy warned me,in Indonesia,there will be new ghost.Kakak and bungkus will be in abundance there but they are hunting for 2 special ghost that will not be in singapore.Kuntilanak and Gondorowo.After talking about all those things,we decided to talk about something else.We talked about studies and wad we are going to do next year.That's when i got quiet.I mean i do know what i wanna do next year,it's just that i dunno if i can achieve it.Hasib,Khairul and abg amy encouraged me.Chilled till 3:30 a.m and took a cab home.That's wad i did today.Not a minute went by without me thinking of her.Until next time! Adios.

Missing my baby bushuk

Unknown Destination

2008-10-11T22:49:00.000+08:00

I'm staring at the glass in front of me,
Is it half empty or i've ruined all you've given me?
I know i've been selfish,
I know i've been foolish,
But look through that and you will see.

I'll do better,I know,
Baby,I can do better.

If you leave me tonight,I'll wake up alone,
Don't tell me i can make it on my own,
Don't leave me tonight,
This heart of stone will sing till it dies
If you leave me tonight.

Sometimes i stare at you while you are sleeping,
I listen to your breathing,
Amazed how i somehow managed to,
Sweep you off of your feet girl,
Your perfect little feet girl,
I took for granted what you do.

But i'll do better,I know,
Baby,I can do better.

If you leave me tonight,I'll wake up alone,
Don't tell me i will make it on my own.
Don't leave me tonight,
This heart of stone will sing till it dies,
If you leave me tonight.

And don't you know my heart is pumpin',oh,
Its putting up the fight,
And i've got this feeling,
And don't you see,
I'm not the only one for you,
But your the only one for me.

If you leave me tonight,
I'll wake up alone,

(Stay) If you leave me tonight,
(Close) I'll wake up alone,
(Don't) don't tell me I will
(Go) make it on my own,
(Stay) don't leave me tonight,
(Close) this heart of stone
(Don't) will sing till it dies
(Go) if you leave me tonight.
Don't leave me tonight.

Very meaningful song eh? ahaha.I just love it.Anyways,I went out today raye with my sister and some of her famous friends.Such as the singer Tengku Adil and the most famous 1 of all......FAUZY LAILY!!!! Hahahaha...Been a long time since i went out with them.Like 3 Years perhaps? And my favourite,Abg Amy.Went from house to house and juz chatted away with abg amy like nobody's business.Me and abg amy ended early as we went to cgh to meet his mum who was hospitalised for an operation.After meeting them,we went to eastpoint to walk around.Just me and him.And again,memories of me and her flashed back.*sigh* It's like everywhere i go,everything i do gives me memories.I'm gonna have a hard time i know.Me and abg amy have nvr talked about gangsters but just now,we did.Abg amy has retired from singapore gangsters and moved on to join a gang in Malaysia.I also told him that i have retired but not planning to join 1 anytime soon.It's 11:40 p.m now and i'll have to go get ready and meet abg amy at pasir ris.Probably for drinks.Pictures with me and the famous Fauzy will be uploaded soon yeah?

Missing my baby bushuk

You can put the blame on me

2008-10-11T12:16:00.000+08:00

Hey hey hey.Its 12:26 p.m now and i juz woke up.So wasted no time and rushed to the computer to blog about yesterday's raya outing with the "o" lvl class.I started my day yesterday by going online to surf the net and juz listening to songs.Den ryhana came online and started chatting with her.Been awhile since i last saw ryhana online cause she was in the hospital a few days back.We started talking about the exams and such and how the other classmates are doing.For a moment there,i had actually forgotten about her until ryhana asked me,"Ayie,why did u do that to yani?" and i was like "?", "do what?".She den say about me ignoring yani and not trying to make things work and hurt her.So i said,ur juz gonna condemn me juz by listening to her and not listening to my side of the story?Unfair? So i said to her, go read my blog and u will know a part of my story.She did.And in a few minutes,she said,"Okay,i'm confused". Hahaha,we are all confused ryhana.Not onli you but the whole of yani's friends circle in her class.Even Didi and Shikin is confused.lol.Well,after chatting with her,i got ready to go and meet the peeps at Mercu as they had a raya celebration.Ok,who was there yesterday.Alot! lol.There was hasib,amal,haikal,faiz,syahiran,ezul,qayyum,fauzi,fauzi's gf,ain,didi,shikin and of course me.On my way there,i was feeling kinda exited but upon reaching mercu,memories of me and her flashed back,boy did that juz spoil my day.I juz kept trying to ignore them.The guys came down and off we go. 1st house was faiz house at bedok reservoir.while waiting for the bus,the guys were lauging and i ws the onli 1 keeping quite,try as i might to forget the times when me and her used to wait for our bus together here but i cant. Ain saw that i was quiet and pulled me 1 side and talked to me. The very 1st thing she said was "kenangan?",i juz nodded.She then started asking me wad happened as she already knows yani's side of the story and said that i was in the wrong of neglecting her and not showing enough love,same problems with her and haikal.Some girls needed that like her and yani but she also wants to know if there is some other problems that leads to the break up as she thinks that breaking up juz because of that is a very stupid reason.That's when didi qayyum and amal came in.I simply said,she has another guy.Ain didnt believe me then amal told his story of him hearing yani talk on the phone in class with her friend tat she got to know another guy tat likes her.Amal juz kept quite at 1st as he didnt want to break us up.Ain got suspicious.After i told her my story,she said,Just let it go.Its hard as we were together for almost 9 months and wads more,today is our date.Bus came and we boarded.Ain talked to me again.I said i am going to move on with my life and girls will always be girls.I just need time.Ain cant accept that she bad-mouthed me telling her parents and brothers that i was violent with her.Who can? even the guys cant accept that.so taufiq,hold on.I'm gonna get that proof that we went to the hotel and prove to you that i'm not lyieng.Reached faiz house at about 6:30 and left at about 7:10.We then proceeded to amal's house and after amal's house,we went to Mr Hamdan's house where the other teachers are there.The other "o" lvl class was there too.Syaz asked me where yani is and i told her we broke off.She asked,"pasal ade jantan lain?" i nodded.She said she also heard stories of yani from her friends.That killed me.Even people that doesnt know her knows about her past.After mr Hamdan's house some of us slacked till 12 a.m and went home after.Have some pictures taken by qayyum.Will be uploaded after aite?

Missing Baby Bushuk

Unknown Me

2008-10-10T08:57:00.000+08:00

Tired and hurt.Tats wad i'm feeling rite now.Maybe its those nights that i have been unable to sleep and crying the whole time and ended up going to the hospital.But that's all behind me.Just sad that she has been bad-mouthing about me to her classmates and family members saying that i have always been violent towards her.How do i know this? Simple,her classmates told me and asked if its true as they have nvr seen us fighting and they know i'm not the kind of guy that touches a girl.I simply told them the truth and provided evidence that i have not laid a finger on her to hurt her.And they asked me,"Wad about the throwing chair incident?" called up qayyum and qayyum told them the truth.I didnt threw the chair at her.Qayyum is also her classmate he was also present when the incident happened in case u guys are wondering.After hearing from both sides,hasib,amal,haikal,ezul and the rest that was there yesterday are able to know who is right and who is wrong.And hasib confirmed it even more when he called his friend Dan to come down yesterday and hear his stories about her and i told hasib the stories i was told by my friends about her.Thinking about the past,i started to question myself.Did i do the right thing to give her another chance when she kissed the French guy behind my back? I think i didnt as love is soo strong,i thought it will overcome all.I guess i was blinded by love.I thought that she was different,but in the end it just proves my theories.All girls are the same.*SIGH*Wad a fool i have been.Gave her all my trust,time and respect and she spits it at me.I have never contacted other girls and have always been faithful to her.Guess this is life.Cruel.A big word i know but that's how life is.Yes,i agree.Money does makes the world go round.But can u be happy?No,it can't buy anyone's happiness.I agreed i have not showered u with money and all the nice things in life.It's because i dun think it's important.But i managed however to save up close to $700 to shower her with the nice things in life which i was planning to do so on our 10th month anniversary,but that's not gonna happen.So i put the money to good use.Gave hasib $130 for the phone and the rest? Well,bought myself drinks.To think i sacrificed my own pocket money and not eating during school time just to give it to her as her family is facing financial crisis at that point of time.It was not easy as my family is also facing financial problems."Why did i do those things?" I questioned myself.All that came up was"LOVE".All this time i have been fooled.I won't deny the fact that i still love her,missed the times we spent together.Too much time infact as now i won't be able to see my daughter cause i was always not at home and was always out with her and my parent's decided not to take my daughter home anymore.Sacrificed my daughter just to be with her and this is what i get in return. I'm gonna stop about these things and start blogging.

Okay,went out at about 12p.m yesterday and met up with hasib,amal,ezul,syahiran and haikal at kembangan to play Dota.Reached at about 12:30p.m and started playing.Was hard to get comfortable as she has always been by my side and seeing the seat next to me is empty was heartbreaking.I tried not to show it to them and carried on playing.Was hard at first as it was a long time playing but got better as the game progressed.Haikal and syahiran has improved tremendously! They are getting very very good at it.Hasib,haikal and syahiran left early as they had a class to attend to but will be comming back.Me,amal and ezul carried on playing while waiting for them.They arrived abit later than expected and we started playing again.After playing the game,we went outside to a coffeeshop had a drink and left for tampines as Hasib and haikal wanted to study.I tagged along and called Khairul to meet up with us.Seeing them study reminded me of the things that me and her used to do.Study at the void deck.Tried to hide it but it became all too obvious and that's when Hasib talked to me about the situation.We talked and talked till it was way past hasib's time to go off and now he misses his bus.He called his friend Dan to come down and fetch him and when Dan reached,stories of her unfolds.Dan and hasib wanted to tell me about yani's history when they found out me and her were together in january and didnt as they were scared i would take it the wrong way.Now,i'm facing the consequences.Went off at about 2a.m and reached home at about 3 a.m.Had a good day but feelings spoiled most of it.

Missing my baby bushuk